Close to You
by Sara11
Summary: *COMPLETED (unless I decide to write an epilogue)* Set after Buffy has come back from her grave. She and Spike have a very close friendship, but are also trying to fight their true feelings. Mostly B/S friendship/fuzz/romance.
1. Too Close, Yet too Far

Close to You  
  
Description: After Buffy returns from her grave. She and Spike have a very close friendship while trying to deal with their real feelings for each other. Mostly B/S friendship / fuzz.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy, Spike or any of the other characters mentioned in this fic. I do not own Passions either.  
  
*****  
  
"150, I win, again."  
  
Spike sighed, "As usual, Slayer."  
  
"Face it Spike, you are just not fit for the killing."  
  
"Bollocks, I am too. You are just so tiny it makes it easier for you to move up and down."  
  
"There is no reason why you shouldn't be able to do 151 curl-ups in a minute and a half," Buffy lectured, "You are just going to have to admit that I am better than you."  
  
"Yeah, okay. Sure." Spike rolled his eyes and smiled as he got up from the floor. Buffy laughed and got up as well. It had been six weeks since she had come back and she was still getting used to things. She felt out of place. She hadn't told anyone about her being in heaven, except Spike. Spike. She was glad she had this weird, yet fun, friendship with Spike. She felt at ease with him. He knew all her secrets and she trusted him, she had no clue why. Maybe it was because he loved her, and he would never betray her trust, even though he had no idea that she trusted him. But she did, she trusted him with everything she had inside her. She trusted him to protect her, to protect her family even. She had never felt so safe with anyone, not even Angel.  
  
She could never trust me, Spike thought, I don't even know why she keeps coming around here. Well, he had few ideas why, but he would really never know. As far as he knew, she could never trust him, ever. He would always be a thing to her. Just an evil thing. He had no soul, so she could never love him. The time he spent with her everyday was torture, to be so close to her and not be able to hold her, to comfort her. All he could ever think about when she was around was how much he loved her. It was like nothing he had ever felt before, not with anyone. Even the slightest scent of her made him quiver, and he hated it. To be so close to her, yet so far. He just wanted it to end.  
  
He shook his thoughts away and grabbed a pack of blood from his refrigerator. He ripped open the bag and poured it into a mug.  
  
"Oh god." Buffy made a face and crinkled up her nose. He loved it when she made that face. She reminded him of a little child, so sweet and innocent.  
  
"If your going to be here everyday you are going to have to get used to my post workout feed." He snorted.  
  
"Well, maybe I won't come here anymore then." She announced.  
  
"What?" Spike felt his body tense up. As much as he hated being around her, he loved it also. He wouldn't give up his time he spent around her, even if it did make his cold, undead heart ache.  
  
"Maybe we could find someplace else to workout," She answered, "possibly the training room at the Magic Box? That is, if you can find a way through the sewers to get there."  
  
"Oh, yeah," Spike felt a rush of relief spread through him, "I know a way."  
  
"Uh, good," Buffy replied. She was a little upset at herself for bringing that up. Truth was, she liked being in Spike's crypt. It was a place where she could just get away. There was no reminder of her messed up life. Well, except for the vampire that lived there, but that didn't matter. At the magic box, there were books on demons and all sorts of things. And there were people. People were one of the last things she wanted to be around right now. She didn't feel like she fit in with people, she didn't feel like a part of the people population. Buffy made a face. She had completely confused herself with her last thought. She shook of the look on her face before Spike noticed.  
  
"Uh, Buffy?" Spike questioned.  
  
"What!?" She snapped.  
  
"It's noon. You really should be getting back. Nibblet has a half-day today, remember? You couldn't stop yapping about it yesterday."  
  
"Oh, right. Good, thank you." Buffy was thankful for Spike pulling her out of her trance. " So, patrolling tonight? Is it a go?"  
  
"Yeah pet, I'll be there." Spike answered. He started walking towards the door.  
  
"Good. It should be a hoot and a half." Buffy sarcastically added walking behind him.  
  
Spike raised his eyebrows and smirked at her remark.  
  
"Uh, nevermind." Buffy laughed.  
  
Spike opened the door as she walked by. He could smell her. Even after hours of training and working out she still smelt like roses. He smiled a bit as she left his crypt. She shouted a "bye Spike" and he closed the door. He felt his smile fade as he made his way back to his mug of blood. He took a seat in front of his telly, ready for the events of today's episode of Passions. Buffy rosey scent still lingered on his cold hard seat where she had sat when she arrived that morning. He remembered that way she had sauntered in, her hair up in a messy ponytail. She looked like she had just rolled out of bed, but she was still more beautiful than anybody he had ever seen. He smiled as he remembered her giving him a tight hug when she told him that Anya and Xander were engaged. He never thought she would ever touch him, and he began to tear up all over again. He shook away his tears and stared up at the ceiling. He was not looking forward to tonight.  
  
*****  
  
What do you think? Should I continue? Pleeeeeease review! I live for reviews! 


	2. Dreams

Dreaming  
  
Two chapters in one day! I have never done that before! Thank you for the reviews!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters. I don't own Passions or Coyote Ugly either.  
  
*****  
  
"Dawn," Buffy walked in the door to her house and through her keys on a pile of mail on a nearby table, "Dawnie?" Buffy walked halfway up the stairs and called once more. There was no answer, Dawn was obviously not home yet.  
  
Buffy was somewhat relieved that her little sister hadn't arrived home yet. She wanted to be alone for a while. Actually, there was one other person she would rather be with than be alone, but she didn't want to admit it to herself. She sat for a few minutes, taking in all the quiet. She soon turned on the TV and began flipping through the channels. She stumbled across "Passions", and smiled at the thought of Spike sitting in his chair, enthralled in the intensity of his soap opera. She shook the thought from her mind and turned of the television. The last thing she wanted to think about right then was Spike.  
  
She got up off the sofa and went to the bathroom. She turned the water on to the shower and waited for the water to warm up before removing her clothes and getting in.  
  
*****  
  
"God that bloody woman gets on my nerves!" Spike thought as he got up from his seat. Passions was over.  
  
"Go to hell Tabitha, you stupid git." Spike through himself on his bed, depressed by the ending of "Passions". Trying to keep Buffy off his mind, he lay down and closed his eyes. There wasn't much to do at his crypt, so sleeping was his best option. Besides, he would do anything to keep his mind off of Buffy.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy dried herself off and changed into a pair of blue jeans and a nice brown shirt. She decided to let her hair dry on it's own. She just wasn't in the mood to blow dry it. She took a deep breath in and went downstairs to find something to eat.  
  
"I really need to go grocery shopping." She stated to herself as she closed the refrigerator door. She opened a cubbard and took out a box of LIFE cereal. She poured herself a small bowl and sat down to eat. She moved her cereal around awhile before putting a spoonful in her mouth. As soon as she did, the front door burst open. Buffy jumped up out of her seat, but calmed down as soon as she realized it was Dawn.  
  
Dawn! She thought. She looked at the clock and realized that it was 1:12.  
  
"Hi Buffy!" Dawn entered the kitchen with a big smile on her face, carrying a bag.  
  
"Where have you been?" Buffy asked in one of her mad/concerned tones.  
  
"Janice and I went out to get something to eat, then I picked up a movie on the way home." Dawn answered, sounding innocent.  
  
"W-well, I uh, I was very worried" Buffy said, trying to cover up the fact that she didn't even notice Dawn hadn't been home.  
  
"Oh, sorry. Well uh, do you wanna know what movie I got?" Dawn asked, eagerly.  
  
"No, I'm too mad." Buffy answered, still trying to sound mad.  
  
"Aw, I thought that we could watch it together. You know, you and me. Big sis and little sis?"  
  
"M'ok, whatcha get?" Buffy perked up. It had been a while since she had spent some real quality time with Dawn. She was looking forward to it.  
  
"Really?" Dawn asked, sounded excited.  
  
Buffy could tell Dawn felt the say way. Buffy nodded her head yes.  
  
"Oh, good. I got", Dawn slowly pulled the movie out of the bag, "Coyote Ugly!"  
  
Buffy laughed and rolled her eyes. "Oh, great. A movie about young women dancing on a bar. Did you notice that in the previews they never once showed a scene that was outside the bar?"  
  
"C'mon Buffy. I am sure there is more to it than that. Besides, if we both don't like it, we can sit and make fun of it, like we did when mom would watch her boring shows."  
  
Buffy smiled. "Ok, but next time, let me pick out the movie."  
  
"Deal. Ok, I've got homework."  
  
"And I have got errands to run. What do you want for dinner. Is chicken ok?"  
  
"Uh, actually, I think Willow is gonna make something for us. "  
  
"Oh, ok. See you in a bit Dawn. Love you."  
  
"Mhm, bye" Dawn replied.  
  
Buffy closed the door behind her and left for the store.  
  
*****  
  
He felt her soft warm lips press against his. She was so gentle. They parted for a second, only for him to return the kiss, only this time deeper and more passionate. She tasted like a warm sweet vanilla. He felt her smile and he pulled away. He looked deep into her eyes and saw something he had never seen before.  
  
"I love you." She whispered.  
  
His eyes began to tear as he replied, " I love you too Buffy, always."  
  
She embraced him with a tight hug, her eyes never leaving his. He pressed his lips on her soft warm hair.  
  
"Spike. William, I-"  
  
Spike shot up from his position on his bed. He was breathing heavily. Smart Spike, he thought to himself, I go to sleep to get away from 'er, and then I wind up dreamin' bout 'er. I should have just kept watching the telly. He rolled his eyes and got out of bed, it was almost sunset, which meant patrolling, which meant Buffy, who meant so many different things to him.  
  
He wanted to be with her so badly. He had so many different things he wanted to say to her. He was looking forward to listening to her complain about Dawn, or Giles, or any other member of her damned Scooby gang. He was looking forward to her smile and her beautiful eyes, her soft warm cheeks, which she lightly pressed up against his when she hugged him. He admired everything about her. The only thing he never looked forward to, were the good-byes and goodnights. Those words were getting so much harder to hear every night. Each time one of those words was said, a slight pain shot throughout his body and he felt weak. He used convinced himself that it was all worth it, but now he wasn't sure. No matter how much time he ever spent with her, he could never get want he wanted. He could never have her.  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Thank you for all the reviews last time! Please keep the reviews coming! Part 3 is on it's way hopefully soon. Thanks again! 


	3. Feeling Free

Feeling Free  
  
I know that last time, the Coyote Ugly thing was kinda weird, and believe me, it is not my style at all, but it does play a part. So, keep reading and thanks for the reviews!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, movies, or shows mentioned in this fic.  
  
****  
  
Buffy walked in the back door after grocery shopping. Willow and Dawn were sitting down to dinner, there was no sign of Tara. She hadn't realized how long she had been out shopping. It was a pretty long time.  
  
"Hey Buffy! Look at you being all Ms.Grocery Lady." Willow greeted her with a friendly smile and Buffy smiled back. "Lets put these groceries over here," Willow placed the bags on the counter, "and sit down and eat. This is my first real cookin meal. Aren't ya proud!?' Willow smiled and Dawn laughed.  
  
"Ok, let me just put the ice cream away."  
  
"Ice cream?" Dawn got up and walked over towards the bag. Buffy pushed her away.  
  
"After dinner." Buffy gave her a glare and she went back to the table.  
  
They all sat down and finished their dinner quickly. Dawn was the first to leave the table as she went upstairs to write in her diary. Buffy cleared Dawn's plate and hers off the table and washed the dishes. Buffy smiled to herself when she realized it was almost time to patrol. She wiped the smile off her face and turned to Willow.  
  
"Great dinner Will. Beats the hotdogs and macaroni and cheese that we have been having for the past few days." Willow smiled and thanked her.  
  
"Hey, Will, where's Tara?"  
  
"Oh, she is over at the magic box with Anya. They have become close lately. It's good for her to have another friend."  
  
"Yeah," Buffy added," I'm glad." Buffy looked at her watch and saw the time. "I gotta go. Off for the big patrol. You know, kick some demon ass."  
  
"Yeah. You uh. are you going with.Spike?" Willow asked quietly.  
  
'Well, yeah. Will, it's not. well, he's not, I-"  
  
"Buffy, I get it. It's ok. It's just that you have been spending a lot of time with him lately."  
  
"Well, he's changed." Buffy tried to defend herself.  
  
"Yeah. He's in love with you. Love changes people. Everything he does, he does for you. A-and he seems like a great friend to you." Willow stated.  
  
"Yeah, I-I really gotta go now." And with that, she left.  
  
*****  
  
Spike had been waiting in the cemetery for quite some time now. He had already staked one vamp, and chased away another. He started to wonder whether or not she would show. It would definitely make those good-byes a whole lot easier. He pulled his stake out of his pocket as he heard something move towards him. As it moved closer, he put his stake away. It was Buffy, he could sense her. She was cold, but smelled so warm.  
  
"Hey." Buffy said to him.  
  
"Hey yourself, your twenty minutes late, luv." Spike said.  
  
"Yeah well, Willow had her cook-a-thon and I had to stay and eat." Buffy told him, "plus, we had a talk." Buffy added. She knew she shouldn't have brought it up, but she needed to.  
  
"Oh yeah? What about." He was always happy to have Buffy talking to him. He loved everything that came out of her mouth.  
  
"Love. How it makes people do things." Buffy looked at Spike, his head was down and his eyes were looking straight into the cold hard dirt beneath him. Buffy took in a deep breath.  
  
"W- we also talked about you and me." she looked up at Spike, who's head had begun moving up. He was looking straight into her eyes, never flinching ".and love." Right after the words had left her mouth, she knew she had made a mistake. She looked down at the ground and moved the dirt in a circle. She was waiting for a reply.  
  
Love. Right, he knew what she meant. That they were talking about him, loving her. How wrong it was, how it made her feel. She didn't love him, he knew it. He tried to tell himself that one day he might have a chance, but he knew he was wrong. He had no chance in hell. He looked up to see her moving her dark shoes in the dirt. He knew that he needed to say something, she was waiting for a reply.  
  
"What do you mean, pet?" He managed to spit out a few words.  
  
"When I said that it makes people do things, I mean good things. Well, what I mean is, uh Willow said that the things you do.well, that you do them for me. Is that true? Looking after Dawn, taking care of her while I was gone. Making small talk with my friends, who I know that you are not too fond of, saving our lives countless times? Do you really do all that for me?" Buffy knew she sounded selfish, and she didn't want it to come out that way. She just needed to know how much he truly loved her, if he would ever leave her. She wouldn't be able to stand losing another person that she cared about.  
  
"Yeah, well, I guess Red was right. I made a promise to you to take care of the little bit. I would never be able to forgive myself if I had broken a promise to you. As for your chums, I-" He let out a sigh of relief as a vamp distracted the two of them.  
  
Buffy battled the vamp for what seemed like an eternity while Spike was trying to figure out what to say to Buffy when this fight was all over. The vamp pushed Buffy so hard she flew back into Spike, who grabbed her tightly by the waist. She jumped up and blocked the vamp with her feet, then kicked hard, sending him flying a few feet back. Spike unwrapped one arm from Buffy's waist, holding on tightly with the other. He grabbed a stake from Buffy's front pocket, and strategically threw it towards the vamp, right through the heart. The vampire turned to dust.  
  
Spike then moved his arm back to it's comfortable position around Buffy's waist. Buffy didn't flinch, which took him by surprise.  
  
"That," Buffy began to speak as she turned around to face Spike, " was excellent." She finished her statement.  
  
She looked up at Spike, he didn't move. Not one muscle in his perfect face even twitched. He didn't smile, he didn't roll his eyes, his face was still.and serious. She looked into his blue, gorgeous, penetrating eyes, which seemed like they go on forever. They were so deep and full of love. She had never noticed how beautiful they were. She smiled, took her hand, and placed on his cheekbone, following the distinctive curves in his face. A soothing feeling come over her. She looked down and saw his arms, still embracing her. She slowly looked up, and gently placed her lips on his.  
  
It lasted only a second, but in that second he felt so alive. A warm feeling spread over his body, feeling her lips on his, holding her tightly. He didn't know if he was dreaming. No, he wasn't, his dreams could have never been like this. She removed her lips from his, and his chest pained. He was afraid of what she might say, maybe take it back. But she didn't, she just smiled.  
  
Spike pulled her closer, and forced his lips on hers. She willingly took in the kiss. She moved her arms around his neck, and he felt himself smile slightly. She held the back of his neck and ran her fingers through is hair, he felt a slight tingle run down his spine. He felt her tongue begin to move towards his mouth, an he willingly opened, letting their tongues dance freely. He could taste her. It was better than anything he had ever imagined. She was so sweet, yet so simple.  
  
She had never felt anything like this before. Something about it felt right. She never wanted this moment to end. His lips were cold, but they filled her with a sense of warmth. Her whole body was shaking, but she didn't care. She was holding and being held in the arms of the man that she lov-  
  
She suddenly broke away from Spike and looked into his eyes. They turned from passion and love, to pain and confusion. She didn't know what to do. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but it felt so right. It was crazy, and that is why she trusted it. She smiled slightly, "Spike." She began to speak softly.  
  
"Yeah, I know," Spike cut her off, "a moment, that's all it was, a moment. A slight lapse in judgment. Heard it before pet. And I know what is coming next. I am a monster, evil, I have no soul. No ability to love, you could never love me. So can we skip it, just this once, and say our good-byes." He felt himself on the verge of tears. Nothing had hurt as bad as this, now all he wanted were their good-byes.  
  
Buffy knew she hurt him by breaking their kiss. He was right though, it was a moment, but not a lapse in judgment. It was a moment of passion, lust, of feelings finally being free without having to worry about the consequences, and she ruined it. One of the greatest moments of her life, and she ruined. She didn't want to make anything worse, so she agreed.  
  
"Fine," As she said it, her bottom lip began to quiver. She turned her back to him before he could see, and she began to walk away. She stopped and turned her head slightly so she could see him out of the corner of her eye. He looked so broken. " but that wasn't what I was going to say."  
  
She didn't know if that was the right thing to do or not, but she didn't care. She felt so awful, for him. She needed to give him something.  
  
*****  
  
  
  
I know that that was long, but hey. I also know it wasn't my best one, but hey. Please review. 


	4. Right Kind of Wrong

Right Kind of Wrong  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and characters related to it, or any movies mentioned in this fic.  
  
*****  
  
Spike watched Buffy, not sure what to do or say. He let a tear fall down his cold cheek before wiping it away. He shook away his tears and turned to walk towards his crypt. The pain in his chest and the sting of the air made for a painful walk home. He could still feel Buffy in his arms, still taste her on his lips.  
  
He walked into his crypt and slammed the door. It wasn't before long that he found himself kicking boxes in a fit of anger and confusion. He ran his hands through his hair and sat down on the steps by his door. He didn't know what to do. He wasn't hungry, wasn't tired, and he wasn't in the mood to watch television, so he just sat. and thought. The woman he loved, the woman he could never imagine his life without, the one person in the world that made him feel alive again, had kissed him. She, Buffy, kissed him, Spike. But then she took it all away, but why? After she stopped all he could think to himself was 'why?'. He could feel her passion when kissing him, for a second he knew she wanted him. But now he wasn't sure, he would never be sure. Maybe he made it all up, the passion, desire, lust. Maybe those feelings were never really there and he was blinded by his own love for her.  
  
He smiled. God how he loved her. The way her hair sticks closely to her cheeks when she smiles, her smile all in it's self was perfect. And her deep, green eyes, he had never seen anything as beautiful as her eyes. The way she moved, she seemed so graceful to him. The way she moved her hands when she talked, the way she let out small yet sharp puffs of air while they would do their curl-ups. She was perfect.  
  
He felt. he didn't know what he felt. He didn't know whether he was angry, sad, confused. He didn't feel much of anything at this point. He was ready to forget about what happened and move on, so he could be with Buffy. Anything to be with her.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy pressed her lips together; a taste of Spike still softly lingered there. She felt her eyes well up, but she didn't let a tear fall. She didn't want to worry Dawn. She closed the door behind her and Dawn suddenly appeared in front of her.  
  
"Ready for movie night?"  
  
Buffy smiled. She needed something to take her mind off of Spike, and spending time with Dawn was the perfect remedy. "Yes please." Buffy answered. Dawn grabbed Buffy's arm and pulled her into the living room, seating her at the edge of the sofa.  
  
"I got you a glass of water. I figured you'd be tired from your hot patrol." Dawn smiled.  
  
"Wh-, no. Not hot. Nothing hot worthy," Buffy was taken by surprise, "very cool actually. No hot here." Buffy gave a weak smile. Dawn raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm all kinds of fine. Come to think of it, I'm all kinds of great." Buffy reassured her sister.  
  
"Good." Dawn moved closer to her sister and rested her head on her shoulder. She had already fast-forwarded through the commercials and previews and her eyes were now fixed on the television screen.  
  
Buffy looked down at her sister and couldn't help but smile. She hadn't seen much of Dawn lately, and seeing her like this, was a breath of fresh air. She was so quiet and looked so innocent. Buffy loved her sister more than anything in the world, and this time with her was precious. Buffy shifted around on the couch, pulling in her legs and wrapping an arm around Dawn. This night was getting better by the minute.  
  
Not more than thirty minutes into the movie did Buffy look down to see Dawn struggling to keep her eyes open, as was Buffy herself. She picked up the remote and turned down the volume, which made Dawn sit up, trying to act like she was drawn in to the events happening on screen. Within a few minutes though, she reluctantly closed her eyes, Buffy soon followed.  
  
*****  
  
Spike tossed and turned while trying to sleep, but he knew it was no use. He got up and pulled a container of blood out of his fridge and drank it. He decided on watching infomercials. The cheesy acting always gave him a slight smile. He sat in silence for a while before deciding to go off and hunt for vamps, maybe some demons. Anything to pass the time.  
  
****  
  
Buffy woke up about an hour into her sleep. She looked over at Dawn, who was still asleep, and then towards the ending credits of the movie. She turned down the volume so that Dawn wouldn't be disturbed by the music playing.  
  
~You walk in and my strength walks out the door Say my name and I can't fight it anymore Oh I know I should go, but I need your touch just to damn much  
  
Loving you, isn't really something I should do Shouldn't want to spend my time with you, I should try to be strong, but baby you're the right kind of wrong~  
  
Buffy immediately thought back to her and Spike and smiled. She felt warm and safe all over again. She had struggled with what she should do, but she now knew. She would go and see Spike in the morning. She couldn't let the relationship they already had fall apart. It would hurt her too much. She needed to have a relationship with him, even if it wasn't the kind of relationship she wanted.  
  
*****  
  
Ok, I know that short little paragraph with Spike didn't really mean much, but I needed a way to bleed over to the whole Buffy waking up situation. Review? Please? I am so grateful for all of your reviews so far! Thank you! Keep them coming. Oh, and incase you hadn't noticed. I am a huge review whore. ( 


	5. Forever and Always

Forever and Always  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, blah, blah, blah.  
  
Sorry it took longer than usual to get this up. I had writer's block. When I first started writing this I intended it to be a fluff piece, but it kinda evolved into. well, I don't know what. But I am looking forward to writing some fluff pieces soon, so don't fret. I love fluff just as much as the next person. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews!!!!!  
  
*****  
  
Spike looked around his empty crypt at his door, down at his watch, then back at his door again. It was 10:54 and Buffy hadn't come. She usual came around 9:00 a.m., but now he wasn't sure if she would ever come again. The thought of that hurt him beyond words.  
  
He didn't know if he had hurt her last night by his harsh assumptions, but he was so used to hearing her say those words that he couldn't imagine her saying anything else. He didn't mean to hurt her, though. He never wanted that. He curled up his hand into a fist. He was so wrapped up in protecting himself that he didn't stop to think of how she would react.  
  
He slowly unwrapped his fist and took an unnecessary deep breath. If she wasn't going to come to him, he would find her. tonight.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy rushed around her house trying to find her other boot. She was in a hurry to see Spike, she stopped and smiled at the thought of him. She shook the thought away, though. She didn't have time to waste. She looked at her clock, 11:00 a.m.  
  
"God," she whispered to herself, "this is not good. Late, never good." She threw on her right boot which was lying by the couch under a table. She stood up and brushed off her pants. She took in a deep breath and headed towards the door. She closed the front door behind her, locked it, and walked towards the cemetery, wearing a big smile.  
  
She didn't waste any time getting to Spike's crypt. When she arrived there, she slowly opened the door, not letting it make any noise. She really didn't want to disturb him if he was preoccupied with other things. She looked around and spotted Spike on the ground doing push-ups. He wasn't wearing his regular black shirt and jeans, but white muscle shirt and black jeans. She let herself laugh a little, not at the shirt, or the push-ups, but the music playing in the background. Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl". She pulled herself together and began to speak.  
  
"Billy Joel? Gee, I would have thought you were more of a Billy Idol vamp." She laughed.  
  
Spike dropped to the ground, but shot up quickly. He dusted off his pants and turned off the music. He looked up to see the most beautiful Buffy standing in the doorway. She looked so radiant with the small beams of sun shaping her body. He was standing in the shade, so the sun didn't seem a noucance. Her hair shined slightly and her eyes sparkled. If he had breath, she would have taken it away. He opened his mouth to reply, but decided to skip their friendly flirtatious banter which usually gave him his "maybe she could love me" theory.  
  
"Yeah, well, what can I say. You caught me." He motioned to her to shut the door and she did. He stepped out of the shadows, passed his chair, and over to the fridge. Buffy followed, not too far behind him. He saw her open her mouth to say something. He felt his stomach become a pool of butterflies. He needed her to speak. Her voice was always soft and graceful, but sometimes the words that came out were so hurtful. He felt the butterflies turn to a burning fear as she began to speak.  
  
"Oh it's not so bad. I kinda have thing for the Go-Go's," she lifted a finger and pointed at him, "now that info, stay's with you until you die. well, again anyway." She smiled.  
  
He couldn't help but laugh a little, and he gave in to her. He replied "Yeah? Fine, I guess I can live with that. As long as my little, uh, Billy Joel thing stays with you until you die. again." He smirked.  
  
"Cheap shot." Buffy told him.  
  
"Well, that's what I do best, pet."  
  
Buffy was surprised at how easily he came around. She kind of had a big speech prepared. It was a little upsetting that she hadn't been able to preach to him about what he meant to her.  
  
"What?" Spike asked.  
  
She knew he had seen an upset look on her face, even though she wasn't aware she had one. She wasn't sure if she should tell him or not, but it was worth a shot.  
  
"Oh, nothin. Just, I kinda had this big speech prepared. I figured you might be all bad and moody. But, surprise for Buffy. That wasn't the case." She managed a weak smile, as his faded completely. She knew she had made the wrong choice.  
  
He didn't know why she brought it up, but now the subject was pretty much out in the open. He had things to say also, and he thought it best to say them.  
  
"Y'know what Slayer? That is bloody typical." He threw out the words faster than he could think them. He saw a look of surprise on her face, but decided to continue anyway.  
  
"Last time you had a big speech prepared, I believe you told me of how much you can't stand me. But I don't get it. You come 'roun here every day, as happy as a sodding dandelion, " he flinched for a second, not sure of what he had just said, but snapped out of it, "and for what? It doesn't make any sense to me Slayer. It's not like you could stand being around me. Not like you trust me. It's not li-"  
  
"I do trust you." She interrupted. She remembered that she never had really told him how much she really did trust him, and she figured now was as good a time as ever."  
  
"Oh, yeah. As much as you trust a bloody dish rag I suppose."  
  
She laughed a bit, but then remembered what she was telling him. "No." She said fiercely. "I trust you. I know I haven't given you a reason to think so, but it is true. It's crazy, I know, but that is why I trust it. I trust trusting you. Guess I'm just chock-full of trust." She smiled.  
  
Spike looked into her eyes and saw a deep passion. She really did trust him. He never thought it could happen, but he must have done something right.  
  
Buffy watched him walk over towards her. He looked so serious. He leaned down slowly and kissed her forehead. She felt his cold lips on her skin and her knees went weak. All she wanted to do was grab him and kiss him back, but on the lips, but she knew it would have dire consequences. She just looked up at him in his eyes and smiled. She knew how much she appreciated her trust.  
  
His undead heart skipped a cold beat as she smiled back after he kissed her forehead. Whatever he had done to gain her trust, he was going to keep doing it, forever and always.  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Geez, 5 chapters in two days! Hopefully there is fluff to come! Reviews, anyone? 


	6. Suprise Visits

Surprise Visits, Surprise Kisses  
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill.  
  
*****  
  
"Hey Dawnie," Buffy called up the stairs, "You wanna go out?"  
  
"To one of your boring seminars? No way."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "No, I was thinking more along the lines of Spike's crypt?"  
  
"Really!? Well, in that case," Dawn hopped down the stair all a flutter, "count me in." Buffy smirked at Dawn who just rolled her eyes.  
  
It had been two weeks since Buffy and Spike had kissed, argued, and then made up. Their friendship was even better than before. They would train together a bit, back at Spike's crypt, but mostly spent their time talking. She never would have guessed that he was a funny guy. She remembered the time he made her laugh so hard, for several minutes. He had just sat there and watched her laugh, admiring her every move with a peaceful smile on his perfect face. They also had their little ways of showing each other how much they really cared about one another. Small looks from across the room, a small comforting smile, sometimes maybe a little peck on the cheek, or forehead. Those were her favorites; he was really good at dishing them out. But as great as things were, she thought it now best to take Dawn before something happened between her and Spike. The more and more their skin touched, or hair brushed up against someone' cheek, the more the electricity built. It was becoming unbearable. She had no idea what was stopping her though; part of her didn't want to find out.  
  
"Ok, let's go." Dawn smiled and led the way out the door.  
  
*****  
  
Spike waited anxiously sitting in his chair in front of the television. Buffy would be coming soon, and he looked forward to it more than he could bear. Sometimes it was hard having her around, but most of the time it was amazing. He acted different around her, though, and he knew it. It wasn't a bad different, but it definitely wasn't doing his 'Big Bad' reputation any good. Didn't bother him though, he had had his glory days.  
  
Spike impatiently got up from his chair. Buffy was close, he could sense her. She was warm and soft. He could just imagine her smooth hair smelling of lilac and some other very distinct scent that he couldn't quite place his finger on. It was amazing though, nothing else like it in the world. ]  
  
He heard her open the door and smiled. "Hi Buffy."  
  
"Hey you." She smiled back. He had never noticed how much brighter the room got when she was around.  
  
"Any stories from the deep hell that is Scoobydom? I-, Wait, Nibblet?"  
  
"Hey Spike!" Dawn appeared behind Buffy, glowing with joy. Spike felt himself sink a little. As much as he loved the little bit, he loved being alone with Buffy even more. He ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach and smirked.  
  
"Long time no see Little Bit?"  
  
"Well, y'know, there is school and, well, school." She smiled.  
  
"Y- yeah." He said. He caught a glance at Buffy who was smiling with her hand to her mouth. He shook his head.  
  
"Slayer, should we train?" Spike asked.  
  
"Sounds like a plan." She told him.  
  
"Ok, Nibblet, make yourself at home. The telly is well, right there. If it gives you any trouble, just smack it." He smiled and Dawn laughed.  
  
Buffy watched Spike climb down the ladder, then followed. She felt his arms around her waist as she neared the bottom. She didn't need help getting down, but she let him help anyway. She turned to face him, his eyes locked on hers, arms still around her waist. She smiled a bit, remembering their first kiss. They were almost in the exact same position. She continued to smile, their eyes still locked on each other's. She wasn't exactly sure how long this would go on, so she looked down smiling. As soon as she did, he lifted her chin, smiled, and kissed her. It was soft, but passionate, full of so much love. She felt her knees turn weak. She let everything go, enveloped in his cool touch. His arms gripped her even more tightly and she wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing her fingers to flow freely through his hair. Her heart was pounding. He tasted sweet, not like tobacco or alcohol. It was a light flavor, cold but sweet and it danced around in her mouth as their tongues met.  
  
He felt it. He felt her wanting him, this time he was sure of it. He ran his hands up and through her hair, letting the softness of it caress his fingertips. He tongue was warm and sweet. It was indescribable. This was Buffy. The ways she moved, the ways he tasted. His world was spinning. It was so far from reality. He couldn't concentrate on anything else but-  
  
"Buffy!?" Dawn yelled.  
  
They broke apart suddenly. She was going to kill Dawn for this. She smiled and felt herself blush suddenly.  
  
He rolled his eyes. He was going to kill Dawn for this.  
  
Buffy smiled and felt herself blush suddenly. She looked at Spike who unwillingly motioned her to go. She turned around, but turned back to give him a soft kiss. She smiled and went up the ladder, which she had just climbed down a minute ago.  
  
Spike watched Buffy climb the ladder. He turned around and out of pure happiness kick a wooden crate that was a few feet away. He climbed the ladder a few minutes after Buffy. He arrived upstairs to find Dawn and Buffy arguing.  
  
"And that is why you interrupted me!?"  
  
"Yeesh. Overreact much? You were just training, and with Spike," Spike rolled his eyes as Dawn continued, "nothing different than what you do day after day, after day, after day."  
  
"Uh, no to interrupt, but uh, if you want a dead man's opinion," he glanced a Buffy who laughed a little and continued, "feel free to fill me in luv." Spike told Dawn.  
  
"Ok, I called Buffy up here because Coyote Ugly was on Pay Per View."  
  
"Uh, no offense Bit, but that is pretty stupid. And, what is this "Coyote Ugly" and- hey, I get Pay Per View?" Spike walked over to his television in a trance.  
  
Buffy snickered at his immaturity, then looked back a Dawn, who was rolling her eyes.  
  
"What do you know about it anyway Spike?" Spike looked up a bit from his television, waved his hand in a quick 'forget about it' motion, then started back at his TV. "Whatever, it is not a big deal." Dawn started to walk towards the door.  
  
"Dawn? Wait. What is wrong?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I-it's nothing really. Just, we never really do anything anymore, ever, and I kinda thought of that movie as our movie. It is the first thing we did together in a long time, and I had fun doing it."  
  
"You slept through the whole thing!"  
  
"Yeah, and so did you. I got to rest my head on your shoulder and fall asleep with a movie playing. For the first time in a while, I felt like I had a mother."  
  
Buffy's heart fell and she hugged Dawn. "Ok, listen. How about we go home. And we can go shopping, and oh! We can go to the zoo!" Dawn made a face, but gave in.  
  
Dawn laughed a bit. "Ok."  
  
"Good, just, let's stay away from the hyena cage."  
  
"Why, what happened?"  
  
Buffy put her arm around Dawn and started walking towards the door. "I'll tell you all about it."  
  
Spike watched as the two girls walked past.  
  
"Uh, Buffy?" Spike asked, a bit confused. He didn't know how she was going to react again to him kissing her, but he wanted to find out.  
  
Buffy let Dawn continue walking home, promising to catch up in a few minutes. She walked towards Spike.  
  
"What are w-"  
  
"Shhh," Buffy put her two fingers over his lips, and she felt him tremble. She quickly replaced her fingers with her lips, but only for a second. "I'll be back later."  
  
Spike smiled and watched her leave, only to return to his telly once she was gone. He looked at the door, then at what was on the television.  
  
"This, is going to be interesting." He smiled, and sank down in his chair.  
  
****  
  
Do you like? Review? How about that whole "this is going to be interesting". He could be referring to the movie, or to his relationship with Buffy. Hmmmmm. And the world will never know. 


	7. The Brunette

The Brunette  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. I do not own a single thing.  
  
*****  
  
"I told you, I don't have time for games." Buffy shoved her stake quickly through the vamp's heart. She looked around and sighed.  
  
"Another night's patrolling complete." She turned her head and began to walk towards Spike's crypt. As she reached the door she took a deep breath in. She had no idea what she was doing. She felt all of these feelings towards Spike, but just couldn't seem to sort them out. Half of her didn't want to. She liked not knowing what to expect next, but the other half just couldn't seem to handle it. She didn't know how he was going to react, either. But she decided to let it run its course. Whatever happens tonight, happens. She opened the door to his crypt, and watched as a mysterious Spike sauntered towards her.  
  
"And back later she is." He smiled. He took her warms hands in his and lightly rubbed his cold thumbs across them. She watched as he smiled and brought her hands up to his lips, sweetly planting a kiss on each.  
  
"Mmm." She sighed.  
  
They just stood there for a while, still and content in each other's presence. Smiling and exchanged small facial expressions.  
  
"So, did you have fun with Dawn?" Spike asked, quietly at first, but growing slightly louder. Buffy snapped out of her trance to answer.  
  
"Yeah. We-wait. Did you just call her Dawn?" She was taken by surprise as he said the name clearly. It wasn't one of his little nicknames, but her actual name. It sounded nice when he said it. Sounded genuine, like he truly did care.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Guess I did. Why? Does it bother you?"  
  
"No, I- I kinda like it." She smiled and continued. "We had a lot of fun. I told her some stories from my highschool Slayer days and she told me about some of the things she had going on in her life."  
  
"Oh really? Care to share?"  
  
"No, not really. Girly stuff. But I felt kinda bad about it. I wasn't there to experience it. I felt like I was reading the cliff notes of Dawn's life instead of reading the book along with her. If that makes any sense to you?"  
  
"Yeah, I get it. But you can change it. Don't dwell on all the things that you have missed, instead, concentrate on being there for the Little Bit now, and the things you can still experience together." Spike advised her.  
  
"Wow." She stated emotionless, "you're right. I never knew you were such a Dr.Phil." She joked.  
  
"It's one of my best kept secrets luv." He smirked and watched as she walked towards him. She slid her arms around his waist and laid her head on his shoulder. He could feel her heart beating and her heavy chest moving up and down as she inhaled. He had never felt so close to someone, so connected. She looked up and smirked.  
  
"I wonder what you would look like with your hair, well, not so gelled up?" She stated.  
  
He laughed a bit. "Are you picturing it in your head?"  
  
"Yeah." She laughed.  
  
"Good, cause I can promise you, that you will never see it outside of that picture in you mind, pet. I'd have to be on my second deathbed before you or anybody else, especially the members of you sodding Scooby gang, ever saw my hair un-gelled. Or to it's true color" He made a face and walked over to his chair.  
  
"Oh, and what would that be?" She sounded intrigued.  
  
"None of your silly little business." He mocked and sat down in his chair.  
  
"Awww," she sneaked up behind him and ran her fingers down his neck, to his chest, "no fair." She slowly kissed his neck.  
  
He closed his eyes to take in her warm, tender, salacious kisses. He opened his eyes, grabbed her right arm, and swung her onto his lap. She placed his hands on her cheeks and pulled her into a deep, long kiss. He removed his hands from her cheek and wrapped them around her small body. He slowed down and took his lips from hers, and went up her cheek to her ear. She laughed a little and sunk down into his embrace, resting her head on his shoulder, her hand on his chest. He placed his lips on her blonde, soft hair. Her scent filled him with a sense of comfort and completion. He rested his head on hers and did nothing but smile.  
  
She took a deep breath in, smiling. In his arms she felt safe and secure. At that moment, nothing else existed but them. She had never felt so full. Not with riley, not even with Angel. Spike gave her something neither one of them could, but she didn't know what. All she knew was that this, this was what she wanted. She buried her nose in his chest where her hand once was. He smelled slightly of warm cologne, and a sweet hair gel. There was a very small trace of tobacco clinging to his clothes. But it made it all complete. This was perfect.  
  
"When am I going to see you?" Spike suddenly asked.  
  
Buffy didn't move. "You see me now, unless I've come down with a sudden case of the invisibilities." She laughed at her own joke.  
  
"Not what I mean, Slayer. I mean, not here, under these circumstances. I want to be able to see you for . I don't know. I just, I don't want a time limit that I can be with you. It seems like we have to have rules or something, just-"  
  
"I get it." She told him. "You feel like, like it's kind of like visiting hours. 'No Spikes allowed unless between 9-12:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m.-10:oo p.m.' I kinda feel the same way."  
  
"You do?" He was surprised. He thought that this was the way she wanted it. Restricted access. But he was wrong, and he was relieved.  
  
"Tell ya what. Since you already have an open invitation to our house, stop by anytime. Dawn would love to see you."  
  
"Anytime?" He asked, giving her a chance to take it back.  
  
"Anytime. And, even though you are not to fond of some of my friends, I'll let you know when we have our next big demon research . thingy." She told him.  
  
"Thank you, Buffy."  
  
She was shocked. Buffy, he called her Buffy. She felt something run through her and she smiled.  
  
"Again with the names . I love it." She grabbed him and kissed him suddenly.  
  
"I guess I could get used this." He told her, smirking. He returned her kiss, and then she got up.  
  
"I have to go." She told him, making a small pouty face. He smiled.  
  
"I know. G'night Buffy." He smirked. She kissed him again, then turned to leave.  
  
"Brunette." He looked down at the ground like he should be ashamed of something.  
  
"What?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Bloody hell, my real hair color. C'mon Slayer, you really got to keep up."  
  
She smiled at him, a sweet smile, and then left.  
  
*****  
  
"Dawn, breakfast!" Buffy called. It was 10:30 on a Saturday morning. Buffy usually had Dawn up by 10:00, but seeing as how Spike had made a surprise phone call from a pay phone in the shade somewhere, she decided to let Dawn sleep a little longer while the two talked.  
  
Surprisingly, Dawn had come downstairs, dressed and ready for the day. She smiled at Buffy as she handed her a plate with two pancakes.  
  
"So, we goin anywhere today," Dan asked, "maybe, oh say, Spike's crypt?"  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. Dawn loved Spike, maybe a little too much, although she could understand why.  
  
"'Fraid not Dawnie. Spike said he had other plans."  
  
"Oh." She sounded disappointed. "Well, did you notice, when we were there last time, he had regular food in his fridge. Water, a few microwave dinners. Oh, and Cherry Coke."  
  
"Really?" Buffy asked, sounding a bit suspicious.  
  
"Yeah, he must have some human friends we're not aware of. Or some really weird demon friends. Or he has developed some strange eating habits."  
  
"Uh, yeah." Buffy had to tear herself away from her thoughts. Spike had put that stuff there for her, probably after she criticized his snack habits. She smiled. It was the weirdest, smallest, but strangely sweetest sign of a slight commitment. She smiled, but jumped as the front door opened and shut loudly. A slightly smoking Spike ran to the kitchen, before the two girls even had a chance to leave the room.  
  
"G'mornin. Whatcha got cookin. Slayer?"  
  
*****  
  
One of my slighter fluff pieces. Who wants reviews!? ::raises hand:: Please!? 


	8. Too Swoon, or Not to Swoon?

To Swoon, or Not to Swoon  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, to simply put it.  
  
*****  
  
Dawn and Buffy stared blankly at the smoking figure in front of them. They slowly turned to each other, then back to Spike. They were both wearing the same facial expressions, raised eyebrows, and dropped jaws.  
  
"Oh, don't look so surprised, luv." He said to Buffy, "anytime, remember." He was starting to think she had regretted what she had said.  
  
"I know, but anytime didn't mean burst-into-flame time." She smiled, he just rolled his eyes. She walked up to him and whispered, "But, I am glad you're here." He was relieved. She hadn't forgotten, and as a plus, she was glad to see him. He smiled.  
  
"Spike, I'm glad you came!" Dawn squealed.  
  
"And so is Dawn, I take it." Buffy said to Spike, leaving Dawn to be confused. She brushed it off though.  
  
"I have to go upstairs and brush my teeth, but I will be back down in a few. Maybe we could . . . talk, or something?"  
  
"Sure, Nibblet. Anything for you." He gave her a sincere smile and she blushed a bit, then ran upstairs.  
  
'Gotta love the lil'girl." He laughed.  
  
"Yeah, you do," She smiled, "but she is not a little girl anymore. She is a teenager, a growing teenager. A growing teenager with . . . feelings." She was trying to hint to Spike.  
  
"Wha- oh. Nah. You're just readin into things Slayer, that's all. Me. Dawn. Just. Friends."  
  
"You, yes. Dawn, no." She laughed as Spike tried, but failed, to deny that Dawn had a growing thing for him.  
  
"Well, I guess I am just making the Summers women swoon then." Spike smirked up at Buffy.  
  
"I- I am not swooning." Buffy hesitantly stated.  
  
"Yeah?" Spike slowly moved closer to her, sensing her heart race. He came from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck.  
  
"I can feel you. Your heart, racing. I know what you want Summers."  
  
Buffy closed her eyes, taking in his embrace, his cold lips on her neck, his warm breath cascading down her chest. She sighed a peaceful, content sigh. She quickly opened her eyes, though, realizing she was giving him what he wanted. She changed the subject.  
  
"Yeah, well you . . . "  
  
"What?" He seductively asked.  
  
"You, bought water." She stated.  
  
He stopped kissing her, loosened his grip, and grew a confused look on his face.  
  
"What?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah. Dawn told me. Cherry Coke as well I heard."  
  
"Oh, don't go getting all high and mighty now pet. M'friend Clem happens to be a very big fan of Cherry Coke." He assured her.  
  
"Oh, I see," She said sarcastically, "and I suppose he is a big fan of the microwave dinners as well?"  
  
"Well, see th-"  
  
"Stop," She told him, sliding her body gently up against his, looking into his eyes, "it is very sweet." She kissed him gently and smiled. She heard Dawn coming down the stairs and moved away from Spike. He looked disappointed.  
  
"Ok, ready to talk away."  
  
"Well, Nibblet, I did also come here for some breakfast, so if you wouldn't mind talking and eating at the same time . . . "  
  
"No problem!" Dawn smiled.  
  
"Pancakes Spike?" Buffy asked. Spike made a face. Even though he did like some regular food, he was not too fond of pancakes.  
  
"Got anything else?" Spike asked.  
  
"Yeah!" Dawn hopped up from her stool and went to the fridge. She grabbed a packet of blood and a mug, and handed them both to Spike.  
  
"Ahh," Spike looked at Buffy, "guess I'm not the only one keeping their fridge in stock." Buffy rolled her eyes, and without Dawn seeing, she jokingly poked Spike in his side with the spatula she had been holding. He gave her a glare and she winked.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy walked out into the hallway while Dawn and Spike were still talking. She didn't know Spike could hold a serious conversation for more than a few minutes, but there he was, talking away with Dawn. She had to give him credit; she was not an easy person to talk to. She started up the stairs, then yelled down to Dawn and Spike.  
  
"Uh, I'm gonna go take a quick nap ok?"  
  
"Yeah." They both shouted back to her.  
  
She continued up the stairs to her room. She took off her shoes and lay on her bed. She closed her eyes and immediately thought of Spike, how he held her just then back in the kitchen. God, he held her with such care and intensity. Like nothing mattered in the world but the two of them. He didn't care about being caught, or what others would think. He just took in every moment, unplanned and unrehearsed.  
  
She, on the other hand, was always thinking about what to do next, what her reactions should be. What if she got caught? What would people think? She always needed to think about the consequences. Maybe that was just the Slayer side of her, or maybe it was something else. She didn't really want to share what she and Spike had. They were happy, and she wanted it to stay that way. She didn't want her friends to rip her apart for this. She also just wanted it to be hers. Something she didn't need to share with anybody else. But she could see how it was hurting Spike, though. The look of pain in his eyes when she tore away from him in the kitchen, it was too much for her. As much as she didn't want to admit it, it killed her to hurt Spike, even a little bit. Maybe she could tell Dawn, just maybe . . .  
  
Buffy fell asleep, warm in her thoughts of Spike.  
  
*****  
  
"So, what's with you and Buffy?" Dawn suddenly asked Spike.  
  
"What?" Spike nearly choked.  
  
"You and Buffy, hello? I see the way you look at each other."  
  
"'Fraid you've made up stories in your head Nibblet," it killed him to lie to her, but he knew it was what Buffy wanted, "the Slayer and I are just friends." Dawn wouldn't let it go.  
  
"But you want more? I mean, you love her, we all know that."  
  
"Yeah Nibblet. But, just- hey, why are you asking me this anyway."  
  
"I dunno, makes for interesting conversation. So, why do you love Buffy? I mean, what is the big deal?"  
  
Spike laughed. "To tell you the truth, I don't know. She is everything I am supposed to be against, but I can't seem to pull away from her." Spike looked at Dawn, who seemed very engrossed in what he was saying. "When I see her, it is like the sun is only shining where she is standing. She seems to be everything that is bright and pure and good. She is my light at the end of the tunnel. She is perfect. I could never love anyone the way I have, the way I do, love Buffy." Spiked looked down at the counter, suddenly aware of the tears developing in his eyes. Buffy was everything to him. But in her eyes, he was nothing to her. He knew that, and it killed him.  
  
"Well, that whole uh, sun being where she is thing, that must be good. Y'know, cause of you a-and all the sunlight." Dawn stammered.  
  
"Yeah." Spike said softly.  
  
"I, I gotta go. Janice and I are going to the movies. See ya around?"  
  
"Sure thing, pet." Spike whispered.  
  
"Ok." Dawn looked at him, feeling bad. She kissed him gently on the forehead; he looked up and smiled. He knew that at least one person cared about him.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy woke up at 12:00, still extremely tired.  
  
"Oh, I was only going to sleep for a minute." She mumbled to herself  
  
"Well, some things just don't turn out the way we plan them."  
  
Buffy looked over to see Spike standing by her side. She smiled.  
  
"Listen, uh, Dawn went to the movies with Janice or someone, so I, uh, I'm gonna go. I-"  
  
"No," Buffy grabbed Spikes hand, "stay with me?"  
  
Spike was surprised, but pleased. He gave in to her request. He slid up next to her on her bed, holding her tightly.  
  
Buffy smiled, as his cold body was tight against hers. She smiled and fell asleep, this time, in the warmth of Spike's arms.  
  
*****  
  
  
  
What do you think? Reviews please.  
  
I am thinkin, next chapter, a small confession of some sort. Who knows? 


	9. A Confession of Some Sort

A Confession . Of Some Sort  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. I own no one.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy slowly opened her eyes and looked at her watch; 6:43 p.m.  
  
"Mmm," she moaned out of pure relaxation, "Spike?" she mumbled softly.  
  
"Right here, luv." She looked around but didn't see anything. She moved around and felt something.  
  
"Hey, watch it. That's m'leg y'know." Buffy rolled over to see a figure underneath all of her covers. She furrowed her brow and bit, but couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"Hey, it's not funny. Th- there is nothing funny about this." Spike told her.  
  
She laughed harder. "Why are you-- ohhhhh." Buffy saw small rays of sunlight spread over the blankets.  
  
"Maybe I should have shut the blinds before going to sleep?"  
  
"Funny, cause I was thinkin the same thing." Spike said, but Buffy could tell he was smiling. She laughed a bit more and got up to close the blinds. She laid there for a few minutes until--  
  
"Ahh," Buffy was taken by surprise, but started laughing hysterically, "No, stop, I-" She could hardly breath anymore and she slid under the covers to find Spike lightly pinching her sides, lightly enough that it made her laugh.  
  
Spiked cocked his head to the side and smirked. "It seems our Slayer is somewhat ticklish?"  
  
"Pfffft!" Buffy replied.  
  
"You sputtered?" Spike raised an eyebrow.  
  
Buffy giggled a little at his reply, but went on. "I am not."  
  
"Ah, but you are. You can't hide anything from me pet. I know you too well." Spike told her.  
  
Buffy gave in. "Fine, but this too shall go to your second grave." She warned him.  
  
"Oh, is that so? Well, I seem to recall some-"  
  
Buffy rolled over on top of Spike and kissed him passionately. Her whole body was so close to his, she could feel his every move. His hands slid up the sides of her body, his fingertips lightly brushing her clothes, sending a chill up and down her spine. She ran her fingers through his hair, and down his neck. She felt his cold, smooth hands run up under her shirt.  
  
Her skin was smooth. He traced her spine with his fingertips, his other hand dancing around her back. His hand went up and ran through her hair, soft it was. Almost as soft as silk. All the while, neither one of them parted their lips, not even to breath. The moment was perfect.  
  
"Buffy!?" Dawn called up the stairs.  
  
Spike opened his eyes, but to his surprise Buffy's lips were still on his, ignoring the girl calling to her. He slowly closed his eyes and continued.  
  
"Buffy?" Dawn yelled louder, now this was starting to bother him. He gently parted from Buffy who was now breathing heavily, almost panting.  
  
"Buffy, you have to go." Spike managed to spill out the words between breaths.  
  
"Oh God," She moaned, "I know." She caught her breath and rolled over to get out of bed.  
  
"Buf-"  
  
"Coming Dawn!" She was trying not to sound agitated, for Dawn had no idea what was going on. She straightened out her shirt and went down the steps.  
  
"Yeah?" Buffy asked her sister.  
  
"What were you doing up there?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Oh, I, uh, I was getting changed." Buffy told Dawn.  
  
"But, you're wearing the same clothes." Dawn pointed out.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Re-changed, that is. I got a cool shower after Spike left."  
  
"Oh, Spike's gone?" Dawn seemed disappointed.  
  
"Yeah, but he'll be back later. So! What's up?" Dawn began to talk, and Buffy took one last look up the stairs over her shoulder. She saw Spike lurking in a shaded area. She managed to mouth a 'sorry' and just smiled.  
  
*****  
  
Spike watched as the two girls walked away. He let out a sigh of relief, leaned back against a wall, and looked up at the ceiling. He was actually relieved that Dawn had come home when she did. He had a pretty good idea what would have happened if she hadn't come home, and to tell the truth, he wasn't sure that he was ready. Here he was, with the woman he had love for so long, and he didn't feel the time was right. Normally, any man, living or undead, would have taken the opportunity to get the job done, but he just wasn't sure. Something was holding him back. He just loved her too much, she didn't love him though, as far as he knew. He just thought that it seemed, like, he would be using her, although he had no idea why he felt that way.  
  
"Uhh, Dawn, let me show you something that I bought. I uh, oh, right, I put it downstairs." He heard Buffy, and knew she was trying to give him a way to exit.  
  
"Um, okay, I guess." Dawn told her sister. Spike heard the basement door close a few seconds later and slowly crept down the stairs. He walked out the front door, and just as he closed it behind them, he heard the two girls come up.  
  
Spike stood in the shade, waiting for the sun to set. Buffy and Dawn were inside talking; he could hear them slightly.  
  
*****  
  
"Laundry detergent?" Dawn asked Buffy, sounding confused.  
  
"Well, I thought it was new." Buffy told her warily.  
  
"It was half full," Dawn told her.  
  
"Sorry, I have just had a case of the sleepies lately. Tossing and turning at night doesn't help to make a rejuvenated Buffy. I am kinda all over the place."  
  
"So I've noticed," Dawn told her, "Wanna tell me? What is causing all the tossing and turning at night?" Buffy looked up at her with sensitive eyes.  
  
"Dawn . . ."  
  
"I know, I am just a kid. But I am your sister Buffy. I know when you're hurting and confused. We have the same blood remember?" Dawn smiled.  
  
"Yeah," Buffy smiled back, "I just think a lot, at night. I never really have time during the day to think, so I do it at night. Hence the whole, tossing and turning. I think about life. What it would be like to be a normal girl. I, surprisingly, think about love. A-and a, well, I guess you could call him, a-a friend? No, well, I don't know." Buffy seemed very confused now. She was trying to use the right words so she wouldn't give away her relationship with Spike. She wanted to talk about their relationship, without actually talking about him.  
  
"Spike, huh?" Obviously that would never happen. Dawn knew, in a way, about her and Spike. Buffy suddenly found the floor beneath her seemingly interesting.  
  
"Buffy, it's ok. I get it. He is a really, okay, he is a semi ok guy. He loves you, and treats you so well. Me too. He obviously wouldn't hurt your friends; he knows how much it would hurt you. And you know, he would never leave you." Buffy suddenly looked up. That was the one thing she was afraid of, Spike leaving her. Everybody always seemed to leave her. She wouldn't be able to take it if he left. Dawn knew him pretty well, and hearing it from her made Buffy feel reassured. Buffy smiled up at Dawn.  
  
"Do you love him?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Dawn . . . "  
  
"Buffy." Buffy was taken by surprise. The tone in Dawn's voice was strict and the look on her face was stern.  
  
"I - I'm not sure Dawn. He's not really, what you would call 'my type', but I can't seem to turn away from him. I, I just can't . . . " Buffy began to trail off.  
  
"Ok, forget I asked that question. Do you see yourself ever being able to love him?"  
  
"Yes." Buffy firmly answered Dawn with a smile. Just then the two girls hopped out of their seats as they hear a pounding sound at the front door, like someone threw a rock.  
  
*****  
  
"Bloody hell!" Outside Spike lay sprawled out on the ground. He was leaning up against the door listening to the girls' conversation. When he heard that there was a chance that Buffy could ever love him, he lost control and fell into the door, soon falling to the ground afterwards.  
  
"She could love me." He said softly to himself. He lay there smiling, he wasn't sure for how long.  
  
He heard Buffy and Dawn run to the door and wiped the smile off his face into one of discomfort, preparing his cover-up story in his head.  
  
Spike watched as a bewildered Buffy flung open the door. She looked around a but, then looked at the ground making eye contact with Spike.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy asked.  
  
"The one and only." Spike told her laughing a bit, then grabbing the back of his head in pain. He hadn't realized how much it had really hurt. He must have hit his head on something sharp.  
  
"What the hell happened?" Buffy asked Spike, to his surprise, actually sounding concerned. But, then again, she could love him. Spike smiled at the thought.  
  
"What?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Huh?" Spiked looked further up and saw Dawn.  
  
"You were smiling . . . why?" Dawn asked.  
  
"Hmm, oh, it was just a funny story. You see, I-"  
  
"Tell us later, we need to get you some ice." Buffy took Spike by the arm and helped him inside. Buffy locked Spike's arm with hers, and, without even thinking, rubbed his arm in comforting strokes with the other.  
  
*****  
  
I know it is a weird place to end, but what can I say? That's just how I am. Reviews pleeeeeeease!? I live for them! ::makes a pouty face:: Pwease? 


	10. A True Confession

A True Confession  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
*****  
  
"So, that's how it happened." Spike finished his story.  
  
"So let me get this straight. You were running to find shade from the sunlight, and without even noticing, you slammed yourself right into our front door.?"  
  
"Uhhhh, yeah." Spike told Buffy.  
  
"No offense Spike," Dawn began "But how stupid are you?" Buffy laughed at Dawn's question, while Spike just scowled.  
  
"Well, no offense to you little bit, but- ow!" Buffy kicked Spike in the ankle, as she sensed he was going to retaliate.  
  
"Be good or you don't get your ice." Buffy scolded him.  
  
"Hey, you said yourself she's not a lil' kid anymore, Slayer." Spike told Buffy.  
  
"Yes, but . . . she is still my sister. And I am not going to put up with you insulting her." Buffy told Spike, in a gentle tone.  
  
"Yeah, well she started it" Spike told Buffy.  
  
"Spike, why are yo-" Both of them stopped what they were doing and looked up at Dawn, who was quietly giggling. Dawn looked up, and noticed that both of them were looking at her.  
  
"And what is so funny?" Buffy asked her sister.  
  
"What? Oh, uh, nothing." Dawn told them, not convincing either one of them.  
  
"Don't you have some place else to be?" Buffy asked her sister.  
  
Dawn glared at Buffy, who glared back. Dawn reluctantly gave in "I guess I have some homework. I'll be upstairs." She told Buffy in a blah tone.  
  
Spike watched Dawn go upstairs then looked back at Buffy. He just watched as she moved gracefully around the kitchen. He looked at her hands as they stroked the countertop. He had never noticed how beautiful they were. Her fingertips lightly brushed the counter, almost as if they were floating, her fingernails gently scraping against the cold hard surface. She walked towards him, holding a bag of ice. He flinched slightly when her arm brushed up against his cheek as she reached to hold the ice to his head. He felt a warm wave of electricity and excitement flow through him, followed by a cool rush as the ice hit his skin. He found himself suddenly nervous. He looked up at Buffy, who was so elegant and graceful.  
  
"You . . . you are so beautiful." He told her, getting more nervous every second. She smiled at him, a genuine smile. She moved her body so she was sitting on his lap, holding the ice to the back of his head, her fingertips dancing slightly through his hair.  
  
He seemed so shaken. She had never seen him like this. She leaned forward and brushed her lips to his, watching as his face grew a smile.  
  
"That's better." She told him. He just smiled, looking deep into her eyes. He leaned up to kiss her, and she pulled him in, embracing the kiss.  
  
Minutes went by, neither of them flinching. Spike never wanted this to end, it was more than perfect. Spike heard a soft noise come from behind, like someone was shifting around. He parted from Buffy, who groaned.  
  
"No," she told him, and pulled him back in.  
  
"But, Dawn . . ." Spike told Buffy between small kisses.  
  
"I told her, she knows." Buffy whispered into Spike' ear. Spike smiled, shrugged his shoulders, and continued to kiss Buffy.  
  
"Buffy? We're home." Both Buffy and Spike opened their eyes.  
  
"Now them, I didn't tell."  
  
Spike nodded his head and they parted. Buffy got up from Spike' lap, leaving a warm feeling on his legs. Spike watched as Tara and Willow entered the kitchen.  
  
"Hey Buffy, Dawn. Oh, hey Spike. Spike?" Willow asked.  
  
"Yeah, Spike came over to discuss business." Buffy, who had busied herself cooking dinner, told Willow.  
  
"Yeah, were going patrollin' later." Spike told Willow, who nodded her head showing that she understood.  
  
Spike caught a glimpse of Dawn, who was just standing over in the corner smirking. Spike tilted his head at Dawn in curiosity. She raised her eyebrows, and he retaliated by sticking out his tongue, Dawn made a face and crossed her arms.  
  
"And how old are you?" Dawn sarcastically asked Spike.  
  
Spike looked right into Dawn's eyes with his own, gentle soft and blue, never flinching. He stared at her until he sensed her becoming uncomfortable. He laughed and decided it was time for him to go.  
  
"Well, I better be off then. I don't want to overstay my welcome." He made small eye contact with Buffy and then left.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy, Willow, and Dawn were in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. Buffy was washing the dishes while Dawn was putting away the leftovers. Tara and was sitting at the table, while Willow had sneaked off to the living room.  
  
"Hey, did uh, Spike stay the whole day?" Tara asked.  
  
Buffy turned around to see Tara looking in the trash can at the empty pack of blood.  
  
"Oh, no. He just came by this morning. Him and Dawn talked for a while, then he left." Buffy hated lying to her friends, keeping things from them was one of the hardest things she ever had to do.  
  
"Then, uh, w-why was he h-here when we came in?" Tara asked.  
  
"Oh, funny story. I'll tell ya on the way to the Bronze. Oh, by the way," Dawn turned to Buffy, "can I go to the Bronze?"  
  
"Yeah." Buffy smiled. "Home by eleven though."  
  
"Don't worry, I'll make sure she's home." Tara told Buffy.  
  
"Ok." Buffy watched as the two girls left for the bronze.  
  
"Where are those two going?" Willow emerged from the other room.  
  
"Oh, they're just off for some late-night bronzin'."  
  
"Oh, and they didn't invite me? How rude." Willow sarcastically told Buffy.  
  
"Well, they just left, I'm sure you could catch up." Buffy assured Willow.  
  
"Nah. Too tired. I think I'll just hang here with you. Have some quality Will/Buffy time."  
  
"Ok, sounds like a plan, " Buffy began, "but, I'm kinda on patrol duty in an hour." Buffy sympathetically told Willow.  
  
"I-it's ok. We'll hang till then. Maybe, kinda, talk?" Willow asked.  
  
"Ah, got problems? Well, I'm here, for as long as you need, patrolling or not. I am all ears Buffy." She told Willow. They sat down on the couch, and Willow began to speak.  
  
"Well, I was thinking more along the lines of, well, . . . you. I, I mean it is not a bad thing, no. I, I've just kinda noticed, you seem different lately."  
  
"Different?"  
  
"Oh, no, not bad different. Good different, really good different. You seem to have an extra bounce in your step. It's just, you haven't told me why. So, I'm thinkin, somewhere along the lines of . . . Spike?"  
  
Buffy took in a deep breath. "You too huh?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Dawn mentioned this to me earlier. Not even a few hours ago. Got a little awkward."  
  
"Oh, well Buffy, if you don't wanna talk about it-"  
  
"No, " Buffy knew that she needed to talk and get her relationship out in the open, at least to the people she was living with. She wanted to talk about it too. After she had seen how happy Dawn was for her, she sort of wanted her friends to know. "go ahead. Ask away."  
  
It was silent for a while. She figured Willow didn't exactly know what to say. Her and Spike together was enough for her to handle. She didn't want Willow to leave her. She didn't want Willow to shut her out. She felt tears forming in her eyes, she couldn't help it.  
  
"Don't shut me out Willow." Buffy pleaded.  
  
"Oh, Buffy no! I wouldn't do that." Willow moved closer to Buffy.  
  
"I can't stand the thought of you not being here." Buffy looked up at Willow who was staring at her with sympathetic eyes. Buffy placed her head on Willow's lap, almost sobbing.  
  
"And you don't have to think about that Buffy. I would never leave you. Why would you even think that?" Willow asked  
  
"Because, I-it's Spike." Buffy sounded confused.  
  
"Yes, it is. Spike, the man who loves you more than anything in the world. The man who took care of your sister when you were, you know, gone. The man who hangs around with your friends even though he does not like them. The man who has saved your life on numerous occasions." Willow was trying to convince Buffy that it was ok to be with Spike.  
  
"Yes, but he is also the monster that has tried to kill me on numerous occasions."  
  
"Buffy, that was all in the past. He has changed so much since then. He cares so much for Dawn, it is more than obvious. He, uh, he has also come around when you weren't here, and he was more than kind. Buffy, he is not the same person. I could never blame you for loving him, and I sure as hell would never leave you for it."  
  
"Loving him?"  
  
"Oh Buffy, I didn't know. I - I wasn't sure. Do you love him?"  
  
"Willow, I- I don't know. I can't figure it out. I have all these feelings stirring inside me, and it is so hard. Everytime I have loved someone, or thought I did, I always wound up loosing them. Angel, Riley, even Parker left, I wouldn't be able to stand it if Spike left me, Willow. I don't know what I would do. I can't even figure it out now. I shouldn't love him, but- "  
  
"I know it is hard Buffy, believe me, I've been there. You just have to follow your heart. Don't think so much about it, just go with it. When your heart know it's right, then you'll know. If you two are meant to be, you'll be. That's why Angel, Riley, and even Parker never worked. It wasn't mean to be. Look at me," Willow took Buffy's face in her hands and looked her right in her eyes, "follow your heart."  
  
Buffy smiled. "You're right, Will. Thank you so much. You helped me realize that I . . . I love Spike." Buffy smiled at the thought.  
  
"Oh Buffy," Willow smiled, "good."  
  
The two hugged for a while, until Buffy knew she had to go.  
  
"Okay, I need to go. I'll be back later. Willow . . . " Buffy turned to face Willow before leaving the house, " . . . thank you."  
  
Willow only smiled and nodded her head, then Buffy left.  
  
*****  
  
Spike stood alone in the cemetery waiting for Buffy, as usual. He had time, though, to think about his relationship with her, whatever their relationship was. He couldn't keep waiting for her to realize her feelings for him. This game was getting to tiring for him. He needed an answer.  
  
Buffy came running up to Spike out of breath. "Vamp gang about a block back. Dusted three one got away."  
  
"Chase after him did you?" Spike asked.  
  
"Nah. Figured he'd show up here sometime soon."  
  
"Ah, got ya." Spike told Buffy.  
  
Spike watched as Buffy slowly walked towards him. She had a certain happiness about her, a sort of sparkle in her eyes.  
  
"How's your head?" Buffy asked, placing her hands gently on the back of Spike's head, brushing his hair lightly.  
  
"Better, now." Spike smiled at her.  
  
Buffy looked up in Spike's eyes, they were so soft and full of love. She knew her eyes showed the same. She stared at him for a few seconds, tracing over every inch of his face with her eyes. She held his face in her hands and kissed him passionately. He held her at the waist, picking her up slightly. She wrapped her legs around his waist and smiled.  
  
Spike smiled and laughed a bit at the sight of his rambunctious Buffy.  
  
"There's something different about you tonight Slayer." Spike told her, wearing a smile on his face.  
  
"Oh yeah? Care to fill me in?" Buffy asked.  
  
"You just seem, happier. Your eyes, they're . . . indescribable. Your full of some raw emotion, I just can't put my finger on it, Slayer." Spike honestly told her. He couldn't tell if she was just really happy, or really drunk.  
  
Buffy loosened her grip from Spike, and put her legs back on the ground. She looked up at him; her eyes locked on his never ending soft blue ones. She held his face softly.  
  
"Maybe it's love." Buffy smiled at Spike, who's expression changed to one of surprise and excitement.  
  
"What?" He asked, dazed.  
  
"Spike, I need to tell you, duck." Buffy shoved Spike's head down as a vamp swung at her. She dodged the punch, returning one of her own. Spike got up and kicked the vamp almost across the cemetery.  
  
"Spike!" Buffy threw a stake at him. Spike went to stake the vamp, but missed. The vamp shoved Spike out of the way into a large tombstone. Buffy ran up behind him, kicking him, sending him tumbling to the ground. She seized her stake from the ground and dusted the vamp.  
  
She ran over to Spike who was curled up next to a tombstone. She took his hand in hers, and slightly stroked his head.  
  
"You okay?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Oh, better than ever, luv." He looked up at Buffy and smiled. She smiled back, warm and tender. He didn't know if what she had said, about love, if it was true. He didn't know if she was proclaiming her love for him, and he wanted to find out. But at the same time, he didn't want to push the subject.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy opened the door to his crypt and helped him in. They sat down together, quietly. There was a strong tension in the room. Spike wanted so bad to talk to her, ask her what she was feeling, but at the same time, he wanted to just let it be. He looked over at her. She was looking up at him, her eyes full of . . . love? He saw it in her eyes, then and there, she loved him. He smiled, leaned forward and brushed her lips, soft at first, but she pulled him into a passionate kiss. Spike shifted gently, moving his hands throughout her hair, brushing her cheek slightly with his fingernails. They parted after minutes, Buffy panting.  
  
"Spike, I need to tell you . . . I, I-"  
  
"I know." Spike whispered to her, "I can see it in your eyes, luv." Spike smiled. She kissed him gently. Spike laid her down on his bed, his body moving on top of hers. Buffy smiled and looked up at him, his deep, blue eyes made her shiver. They kissed, this time with a fiery passion. More passions then they had ever felt before, their true feelings being expressed. Buffy didn't want to open her eyes, for fear that when she did, he would be gone, and that his would all be a dream. Spike parted their lips, a wave of nervousness rushed through her. She felt her whole body become weak. She looked up at Spike whose face was serious yet soft, and smiled.  
  
Buffy slid off his duster, sending a slight wave of heat over his body as her fingers brushed his upper arms. He looked at her gently, feeling the corners of his mouth turn into a grin. He was finally with the woman that he loved, the one he had been waiting for all his life, and he knew she felt the same way. He moved and slowly began to unbutton her shirt.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes and sighed as Spike's cold fingers ran down her chest. He was so full of love for her and she could feel it. She closed her eyes, ready for what was about to happen. She was needed for it to happen, she wanted it to happen. She grabbed Spike's neck and pulled him down towards her. She kissed his ear and whispered.  
  
"I love you . . . "  
  
*****  
  
More to come . . .  
  
Feedback? Anybody? Please? 


	11. La Vie En Rose

La Vie En Rose  
  
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing  
  
*****  
  
Buffy awoke wrapped warm in the comfort of Spike's soft bed sheets. She lifted her head and smiled as she heard Spike upstairs rummaging around in the kitchen. He seemed to be humming, but she couldn't quite figure out what it was. She sat up as Spike slowly made his way down the ladder. She watched his body, the body that had taken her to higher levels of pleasure then she could have ever imagined, watched it slowly move across the room towards her. She looked him up and dawn, first at his bare chest and abs that would make any woman weak, then down to his faded black jeans, unbuckled at the top. She took a deep breath in and smiled at him.  
  
"Morning." She managed to spill out. The sight of him had made her so flushed and weak that she could barely speak. After being with him, 3 hours straight, feeling him inside her, the way he moved. Every kiss was, every tender touch was so full of love, passion and desire. She had never known his feelings ran so deep, but she knew now, and she was only happy to return those feelings. He truly loved her for who she is, and what she is. She managed to move a bit closer to him.  
  
"Aw, you look so tired." Spike told her.  
  
She laughed. "Yeah? Well, I had a long night." She told him, grinning with desire.  
  
He lay down next to her and ran his finger up and down her shoulder, making her close her eyes and smile. "I remember." He grinned back. He held out his arms slightly, and she willing eased into his embrace. She took in a deep breath and let out a happy sigh. This was perfect for her. She felt Spike's cool lips caressing her awful bed hair.  
  
"Oh," she said, "I have awful bed hair don't I? I tell you, it is like a disease in my family. You should really see Dawn in the morning, I mean she is a me-" She was cut off by Spike kissing her tenderly.  
  
"I think it makes you even more beautiful." He kissed her again, and she relaxed her body, unaware of how tense she was. His body was cold, but filled her with familiar warmth. Feeling his chest to her back she immediately shot back to last night. His body on top of hers, so close to him. She smiled and sighed, feeling warm in her thoughts. She was truly in shock about what had happened, not in a bad way though. She was happy and finally at peace now. Spike knew how she truly felt, and for the first time in her life, she knew how she felt and what she wanted.  
  
She turned around to face Spike, who was still holding her tightly. She looked up at him and asked.  
  
"What were you humming?" She asked.  
  
'What was that, pet?"  
  
"Upstairs, you were humming something. What was it?" She asked.  
  
"Oh, it is a French love song. One of my favorites, believe it or not. La Vie En Rose." He told her.  
  
"Eh, French, not my forte. I believe a barely passes that class."  
  
"They do have it in English too ya know. It's not impossible to translate." He told her.  
  
"Care to serenade me?" She asked, laughing.  
  
"Not a bit. "  
  
"Really?" She asked, very surprised.  
  
" Of course, but I would only do this for you. I am not gonna sing it, though. I will just recite one of the verses." He smiled at Buffy who blushed at his charming words. She rested her head on her elbow, ready to hear what he had to say.  
  
"Hold me close and hold me fast, this magic spell you cast. This is La Vie En Rose. When you kiss me heaven sighs, and though I close my eyes, I see La Vie En Rose. When you press me to your heart, I am a world apart. A world where roses bloom, and when you speak, angels sing from above. Everyday words seem to turn into love songs, give your heart and soul to me, and life will always be . . .' " He paused and looked at Buffy who was looking at him with slight tears in her eyes, he smiled at her and finished, " . . . La Vie En Rose." Her eyes looked so vulnerable at that point.  
  
"That was beautiful. Thank you." She smiled at him, hoping he would sense the way her heart was racing. She would have never guessed he would have recited that, especially only for her.  
  
Spike watched as a tear fell down her cheek. He rushed and kissed her tear before it was able to leave her soft face. He watched her laugh a bit, then kiss him tenderly. She sat up and turned to him.  
  
"Got anything to drink?"  
  
"I poured two mugs for us upstairs. They are probably a bit warm by now, but they'll do."  
  
"Thank you. Let me just get changed first." She wrapped the sheet around her, slid off the bed, picked up her clothes that were scattered around the room, then went to the back to change.  
  
Spike watched Buffy emerge from the back a couple minutes later, and watched her climb up the ladder to the kitchen. He lay hid head on his pillow and grinned. He had dreamed about this for so long. Holding Buffy in his arms, touching her, kissing her. The best part was knowing she loved him. He couldn't get over it. This beautiful, kind, and gentle woman loved him, almost as much as he did her. He was deep in thought if the night before when he heard Buffy make a noise upstairs. He darted up the ladder to see Buffy holding a hand over her mouth.  
  
"What is this?" Buffy held up a green mug. Spike looked in it, smelled it, then laughed a bit. He gained control of himself though, cause he knew she would easily kick his ass for laughing.  
  
"Uh, that was, uh, my mug, luv." Spike told Buffy, trying really hard not to laugh.  
  
"Oh." Buffy winced slightly, trying not to swallow any of the blood.  
  
"Well, spit it out." Spike told her. Buffy furrowed her brow and gazed at Spike with a confused look on her face.  
  
"Look, you can either spit it out, or swallow it. Either way, I know something is going to come up sooner or later." He looked at Buffy who laughed a bit, but then winced some more. Her hand was still clenched over her mouth and she was still wearing a face of disbelief. "Besides, my floor is already dirty. I won't be too hard to clean. Come on, spit it out or swallow," He walked over to her and placed his hand slightly on her back as if to comfort her, "take your bloody pick." He smiled at her. She looked at the floor, then the mug. She rolled her eyes but quickly spit the blood back into the mug, and slammed the mug down on the table. She picked up her mug, which had water, and began to rinse out her mouth, still being very careful not to swallow.  
  
"That's my girl." He smiled as she turned around. He picked up his mug and drank from it. Buffy's face went from one of shock and disgust to one of pure disgust.  
  
"Ew." She stated as he swallowed the blood that she had spit back into the mug.  
  
"What? Blood was starting to taste bland anyway. Needed a little pick me up."  
  
"You . . . are disgusting," she walked towards Spike, and got real close to him, " and I love you for it." She kissed him softly and began to speak, but he wrapped one arm around her waist and kissed her with full passion. She felt her knees buckle but didn't care. Spike parted with a grin on his face.  
  
Buffy blushed a bit, but continued what she was going to say. "Um, you wouldn't happen to have a, uh, toothbrush would you?" She asked. Now it was his turn to blush.  
  
"Uh, yeah. It's uh, in the drawer next to the bed." He looked down at his feet and scratched the back of his head; "it's the Snoopy one."  
  
Buffy smiled as she found that extremely adorable.  
  
"Thank you." She smiled at the blushing Spike and went off to brush her teeth.  
  
*****  
  
Spike and Buffy ran through the sun, Spike under a blanket. They stopped every so often to rest under the shade, so Spike could cool off. Sitting under the tree in Spike's lap Buffy felt at piece. She turned her head and smiled at Spike who was staring up into the tree. She rested her head on his chest, and twirled his shoelace in her fingers.  
  
"Sun's 'bout to come through the leaves. We better push off." He looked down at Buffy. She grabbed his hand and they began to run. They were going to go to her house, but Spike saw the Magic Box, and pulled her in that direction. The two of them ran in together, Buffy laughing. She soon stopped her laughter and hugged Spike.  
  
"Sorry." She told him. He brushed away the tears from his eyes and the smoke. He looked up at her and smiled.  
  
"S'okay, luv." He told her.  
  
"Spike!" Dawn ran up towards the vampire and pummeled him with a hug. He laughed a bit and smiled at her.  
  
"Hey there Sweet Bit. How's school going?" Spike asked Dawn, as Buffy removed the blanket from overtop of him. She ran her fingers through his hair, not able to take her eyes off of him.  
  
"Well, seeing as how it hasn't started yet, it's not going." Dawn told Spike.  
  
"Oh, well . . . when do you start school?" he asked. He looked up at Buffy as Dawn began to speak. Dawn's words became a mesh of mumbles as he looked into Buffy's soft green eyes. They both stood there, not sure what to do. All Buffy wanted to do was take Spike and kiss him till she couldn't breathe, but seeing how Dawn was there, she decided not too.  
  
"Maybe you could come?" Dawn finished her one sided conversation.  
  
Buffy and Spike both broke away from their gaze and looked at Dawn.  
  
"Huh? Sorry Nibblet, didn't catch that last part." Spike told Dawn.  
  
"Maybe if you two would stop staring at each other for more than 5 seconds, you would have." Willow said as she appeared from the training room, carrying a book. Dawn laughed and continued.  
  
"I asked if you wanted to come back-to-school shopping with me and Buffy." Dawn told Spike. "Oh, and Willow is right." She smiled at Buffy, who only smiled back.  
  
"Uh, if it is not a problem with big sis, then I'm all for it Platelet." Spike looked up at Buffy.  
  
"Of course you can come." Buffy kissed Spike gently and smiled.  
  
Dawn and Willow stood smiling also, watching the couple. Willow soon interrupted though.  
  
"You might have to put that off though. A Big Bad's a-comin. I can sense it. Giles and I are researching it now."  
  
"Well, what are you looking for?" Buffy asked. She took a hold of Spike's cold hand, and laced her fingers with his.  
  
"We are not sure. Maybe some sort of resurrection. The anniversary of something . . . anything. On patrol last night, did you notice anything strange?"  
  
"Well, the only vamps that were around were these creepy gang vamps. Come to think of it . . . yeah. There were absolutely not other vamps at all. Or demons for that matter."  
  
Spike shook his head and agreed.  
  
"Listen, I'll try to find out what I can tonight. Talk to some of the vamps 'round here. If I find anything, I'll be sure to inform you." Spike spoke up.  
  
"Thank you Spike." Buffy looked at Spike with her soft eyes.  
  
"No problem, luv. I better be off now though. I have a bit of straightening up to do at my crypt." He smirked at Buffy. "I'll head out after sunset."  
  
"Be careful Spike." Buffy told him. He kissed her softly, and headed towards the training room to the nearest tunnel.  
  
*****  
  
"Four books down, hundreds left to go, and no info." Buffy slammed another book shut and slouched in her chair.  
  
"Anybody hungry?" Xander entered the Magic Box with Anya, carrying a box of brownies.  
  
"Ooooh," Buffy got up from her chair and went over to Xander, "yum." She bit into a brownie and felt it crumble in her mouth. The dryness of the brownie made it hard for her swallow, but using Slayer strength, she was able to force the bit of the brownie down her throat. She looked over at Willow, who was obviously in the same state of disgust as her.  
  
"Mmmmmm, very . . . squishy." Buffy smiled. Willow managed to make out a slight 'mmmm' also, before returning to the other room, presumably to spit out the brownie.  
  
"You really like them?" Xander asked happily.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Hey Giles, you wanna call for some pizza?"  
  
"Uh, yes, sure. I'll do that."  
  
"So, has anybody found anything?" Anya asked.  
  
"No, not a clue." Buffy sat back down. She looked outside to see the dark sky. It was way passed sunset, Spike was nowhere to be seen, and she was beginning to worry. Almost as if Willow had read her mind, she spoke up.  
  
"Worried about Spike, aren't you?" Willow asked, sitting down next to Buffy.  
  
"It's that obvious, huh?"  
  
"Only to the naked eye." She smiled at Buffy, who was almost glowing. "You didn't come home last night." Buffy's face lit up, and she began to speak. Willow listened carefully to every detail, but she never once heard Buffy mention how, or if, she told Spike she loved him.  
  
"Not to be pushy or anything Buff, but did you tell him? I mean, tell him that you love him? Cause if not, it's just going to get harde-" Willow was soon cut off by Buffy.  
  
"I told him. But he knew, before I told him. He said he could see it in my eyes. " Willow sat smiling, listening to her gush over Spike. "I'm in so deep, Will. All I can ever think about is Spike. It's almost as if . . . " She thought back to what Spike had said the first time he told her he loved her. She smiled, " . . . I'm drowning in him. I never thought this would ever happen."  
  
Willow looked confused. "Falling in love with Spike?" She asked.  
  
"Just . . . falling in love and knowing that everything is going to work. I know that I loved Angel, and it took me a while to realize that I loved Riley, but this . . . this is different. I feel so safe, and it all feels so right. Finally, after everything I have gone through, I just know that this, with Spike, this is real, and it's permanent. Everything is finally falling into place, and with him being in my life like this, I actually feel whole. "  
  
Willow smiled as Buffy finished. "I am so happy for you, Buffy. You're practically glowing, we haven't seen that in a while." Buffy smiled at Willow and hugged her.  
  
"He'll be back soon, don't worry." Willow reassured her. She was so glad to have Willow in her life. She was truly blessed to have friends like hers, and now she knew that. Hearing some of Spike's old stories of past Slayers, or just of his past life and how lonely it was, she knew that she was blessed. She would do anything to keep her friends.  
  
Almost as if Spike had read Willow's mind, he came through the door of the Magic Box. Buffy stood up and looked at Spike, not knowing what to expect. She walked towards him as the Scoobies gathered in the main room.  
  
Spike looked around the room and spoke, "I got some news."  
  
*****  
  
Feedback? 


	12. Remorse

Remorse  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
*****  
  
Spike looked around the room and spoke, "I got some news."  
  
"Are you okay?" Dawn asked, staring at Spike.  
  
"Yeah, Nibblet, I'm fine." Spike smiled at Dawn. He thought it was sweet how worried she got for him. Spike continued his story.  
  
"Don't know a thing about the Big Bad yet, but what I do know is that there is a vampire makin an appearance here in good ole Sunnydale tomorrow. Seems he knows a bit about some sort of evil. Thought that maybe I could get him to spill something. Might not be too useful right now, but- -"  
  
"It's okay," Buffy chimed in. She walked up to Spike and placed her hand on his forehead where blood came trickling down. "You're hurt." She stated, staring at him with concerned eyes.  
  
"I'm fine, luv. Got in a small spat with a nasty vampire, but they're over there sweeping him up as we speak." Spike reassured her, a wave of relief washing through her entire body.  
  
"There?" Giles spoke up, "Where is 'there' exactly?"  
  
"Oh, uh, small pub about a mile or so outside of town. All the vamps like it, 'cept me o'course. Can't stand the place. It's all filthy, covered in grease and grime. Oh, and don't get me started on the type of music they play. Soddin' jukebox . . . " Spike looked up to see everyone staring at him with their eyebrows raised. "What? Just cause I'm a vampire I can't have standards? Well, news flash . . . I do. Besides, the beer there is worse than that cheap stuff you keep in stock." Spike pointed at Giles, who only rolled his eyes.  
  
Buffy smiled remembering how Spike wasn't into the whole rock band music, or at least that is what she thought. She also smiled remembering the time Giles had Spike chained up in his tub.  
  
"Well, since you went to all that trouble to get some info on this evil that's a-risin'," Xander thrust the box of brownies in Spike's face, "have a brownie!" Spike willingly took a brownie out of the box, bit it, but immediately spit it back out.  
  
"Tastes like dirt." Spike simply stated as he walked further into the room. Buffy laughed at Spike's brutal honesty. Xander caught sight of Buffy laughing and spoke up.  
  
"Yeah, well at least he's honest." Xander walked by Buffy and went back to the books.  
  
Buffy took Spike's arm and began to walk towards the training room.  
  
"Let's get that cut cleaned up." She smiled at Spike with her soft eyes, and he agreed.  
  
Xander watched the two of them together, not sure what to make of them. He pretty much knew about the two of them, seeing as how they were always together, and they both seemed happier in each other's presence. Normally, Xander would be appalled by the idea of Spike and Buffy, but for some reason it didn't seem to bother him. He had noticed a change in Spike over the past few months, and he liked it. He was a better person now, and there was no doubt in his mind that it was because of Buffy. He liked Spike, even though he would never really admit it.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy sat closely to Spike, staring straight into his eyes as she cleaned his scrape. She blew softly on the cut as she wiped off the rubbing alcohol with some gauss.  
  
Spike flinched as her warm breath met his skin. In the five hours he had been gone, he ached to be with her. He reached out and took her hand. She smiled and closed her eyes. He reached up a bit and planted his lips on hers. They both smiled at each other, holding hands. They were soon interrupted by Dawn, who wanted to talk to Buffy.  
  
"Go ahead, luv. I'll go help your friends." Spike got up and left the room, Buffy watched as Dawn entered.  
  
"What is it, Dawn?" Buffy asked, sounding concerned.  
  
"Oh, it is nothing really, and I am sorry to interrupt you and Spike."  
  
"It's fine Dawnie." Buffy laughed. "What is it?"  
  
"I'm kinda not feeling well. I felt fine a couple hours ago, but I feel really dizzy, and slightly nauseous. "  
  
"Oh," Buffy put her hand on Dawn's head, and he eyes widened, "Dawn, you're burning up. I'm gonna take you home, okay?" Buffy looked at Dawn with sympathetic eyes.  
  
"Okay." Dawn got up and followed Buffy out the back door. Buffy didn't even bother to tell her friends she was leaving; she just wanted to get Dawn home.  
  
*****  
  
Xander and Spike sat at a round table, surrounded by many books. Spike threw a book down and Xander jumped.  
  
"Absolutely nothing in these damned books."  
  
"Yeah." Xander laughed, trying not to sound uncomfortable. Spike looked at him with suspicion, but shrugged it off. Xander decided to bring up the subject that was gnawing at his gut.  
  
"So . . . you and Buffy?" Xander asked, as happily as possible.  
  
"What? Oh, uh . . . no." Spike told him, unconvincingly, "We're, uh, just close friends, that is all." Spike tried to convince him.  
  
"Spike, I'm not stupid."  
  
"You sure about that one?" Spike asked.  
  
"Haha, but seriously. We all see they way you two act together. It's fairly obvious. She is happier than she has ever been Spike, and it is not because of her haircut. Plus, you have changed, and we all know why. Face it, you two suck at hiding your relationship."  
  
Spike smiled a bit. He didn't realize how happy she really was. And hearing from one of her friends that she is happier than she has ever been, made him love her even more.  
  
"So, what did you do?"  
  
"Excuse me?" Spike asked.  
  
"To make her love you. What did you do? Did you put some sort of spell on her?"  
  
"No, you ninny. Only a cheap, pathetic wanker would do something like that to make a girl love him." Xander flinched at Spike's comment, remembering the time he tried to put a spell on Cordelia, even though it backfired tremendously.  
  
"So, then . . . why does she love you?" Xander began to realize like how much of an idiot he sounded. It was obvious why Buffy loved him, he was a good guy. She loved him for him. For who and what he was, just like Spike loved her.  
  
Spike listened to Xander's question, rolling his eyes at the idiocy of it. He remembered back to that morning when Buffy told him he was disgusting. He smiled.  
  
"Cause I'm disgusting. She loves me because I'm disgusting." Spike told Xander, laughing a bit.  
  
"No, that is the reason why fleas love you." Xander smiled at his own joke.  
  
"Okay, Betty Crocker. It seems to me, that this 'share time' is over." Spike got up and began to walk towards the training room.  
  
"I'm happy for you Spike. You've got a really great girl." Xander told him.  
  
"I know," Spike smiled at the thought of Buffy, "I am not blind."  
  
Spike walked in the training room and saw that Buffy wasn't there, and neither was the Little Bit. He began to worry, but calmed down when he remembered that Buffy could take care of herself. After all, she was the Slayer.  
  
"Buffy and Dawn are gone. Did you see them leave?" He asked Xander, trying not to sound worried.  
  
"No. Is she ok? Do you know where she went?"  
  
"Not a clue, but she can take care of herself, and the Little Bit. Where is everyone else?" Spike looked around and noticed that everyone except the two of them had left.  
  
"Willow and Tara went back home. Giles found a rather large book and decided to read it at his place, and Anya is asleep in the car." Xander told Spike.  
  
"Ok. I am gonna go by the house, check and see if they're there. I'll call you when I find them." Spike told Xander.  
  
"Well, call me at my house, cause I am not staying here alone. No way, not on this Hellmouth." Xander walked by Spike and Spike just rolled his eyes.  
  
"Fine then." Spike turned out the lights, locked up, and left.  
  
*****  
  
Spike quietly entered the Summer's residence, closing the door behind him. The lights were all off and, if they were home, he didn't want to risk waking any of them up. He started up the stairs, but turned around when he saw a flicker of light from the living room. He walked in the room and saw Buffy sprawled out on the couch watching infomercials. He walked toward the couch quietly and sat down on the end near her feet. He tickled her feet a bit and smiled as she shifted around giggling.  
  
"Where did you and the Sweet Bit head off too?" Spike asked Buffy. Buffy gestured for Spike to join her on the couch. He gladly slid underneath her as she sat up, and let her lay down on top of him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her hair. She was so warm and beautiful, even when wearing heavy bags under her eyes she was the most gorgeous creature he had ever laid eyes on. He took in her delicate scent that he hadn't really noticed was there anymore. It reminded him of their first ever kiss, and her sweet vanilla taste.  
  
"We had to come home. Dawn really wasn't feeling too well." Buffy told Spike, as she put a hand up on his cheek. "She had an extremely high fever, 102.5." She told Spike.  
  
"Oh, is she okay? I mean, she is better now right?" Spike asked with a sincere tone. Buffy loved how much he cared for Dawn. It reassured her that he was more than willing to look after Dawn if something ever happened to her again.  
  
"She's better. Gave her some fluids and Tylenol. Her fever went down a bit. She is upstairs sleeping, she is shaking she is so cold. I've never seen her like this before."  
  
"Shhhh. It'll pass, luv. She'll be fine. " Spike told Buffy. She was amazed at how reassuring he was. He was always there to comfort her and care for her and her friends.  
  
"Thank you. You are so wonderful." She kissed him and continued. "You are always there. Not just for me, but for Dawn, Willow, and everybody else. You always know a way to make everything better. " She kissed him with more passion this time. "I love you."  
  
Spike smiled, he still couldn't get used to the fact that Buffy was in love with him.  
  
"To tell you the truth, I enjoy every minute of it." Spike honestly told her. He had to admit that he did care about her friends, in a strange way. They were good people.  
  
"Really?" Buffy was stunned by his latest confession.  
  
"Yeah, unfortunately, they are good people. I've gotta hand it to you, Slayer, you sure know how to pick 'em. And I am being serious about that." Spike smirked.  
  
"Well, I did pick you. And to tell you the truth, you're the best thing that's come along in my life." Buffy told Spike, looking straight in his eyes, which were welling up. He didn't know how to respond, so he just kissed her. Buffy smiled and turned away facing the television. Spike watched as her back moved up and down as she took small, sharp breaths. He smiled at the soothing sound of her sighs, directed at the ridiculous ploys of the infomercials on the screen. One of Spike's favorite infomercials appeared on screen as Buffy began to change the channel.  
  
"Hey! Go back." Spike whined.  
  
"What?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Go back. I like that one. It' d for a tire thing. It lets the air out in less than a minute, and also pumps it back in. I always wanted to know how they do that. Take air out and put it in, using the same, simple, three- step machine. Seems almost bloody unrealistic."  
  
Buffy laughed as the vampire gushed over the infomercial.  
  
"Listen, are you going to go back, or not." Spike asked.  
  
Buffy thought for a moment, but decided to see what he would do if she said no. "No." She triumphantly replied.  
  
"Oh, I see. Trying to spite Spike are we. Well, it is not going to work." Spike sat back for a few seconds, but couldn't resist. He jumped at Buffy, grabbing for the remote. He tickled her a bit and she squealed in amusement. Not aware that Willow, Dawn, and Tara were standing in the stairwell, obviously awaken by the noise, they continued to fight for the remote. Buffy laughed uncontrollably, and Spike wore a very big smile. It was one of the biggest smiles Buffy had ever seen. They two wrestled off the couch onto the floor, Spike on top of Buffy.  
  
"Ohhhh, getting scared?" Spike asked, grinning.  
  
"Not a chance." Buffy grinned back. He tickled her stomach a bit, and her hand flew up in the air, the remote soaring backwards and the batteries flying everywhere.  
  
Spike took in a deep unneeded breath. "Well, I guess," he caught a glimpse of Buffy's eyes which were filled with love and passion. He began to slow down his speech, mesmerized by her natural beauty, "that's . . . that." Buffy forcefully pulled Spike down and kissed him. Her tongue pushed against his bottom lip, and within seconds their tongues were battling rapidly. Buffy wrapped her legs around Spike's waist, as he moved down kissing her neck. She closed her eyes and began to breathe heavily. She wasn't even able to think straight. Sure, her sick sister was upstairs sleeping, but it seemed that at that moment, only the two of them existed. She held Spike close to her, feeling his fingers dance around her body. She moaned a bit and lifted off his shirt.  
  
Meanwhile Dawn, Willow, and Tara stood smiling at the couple. Dawn sniffled a bit shifted her weight on the stairs, creating a small creaking sound.  
  
Spike and Buffy looked over to catch a glimpse of the trio running back up the stairs, Dawn pushing Willow slightly. Buffy laughed and rolled over on top of Spike, resting her head on his chest. Spike curled up with Buffy on the floor and the two fell asleep.  
  
"G'night, luv." Spike whispered into her ear, but she was already asleep. He decided to express what he was feeling at that moment out loud. He was actually hoping that there was a slight chance that she could hear him.  
  
"I've never felt this way before, I feel as if my heart is actually beating. You make me feel alive for the first time in hundreds of years. When you first told me you loved me, and I know it must have been hard for you, my life finally felt complete, I felt whole. All of the terrible things I've done, I know you could never forget or forgive them. But, I'm done. Looking back to everything that has occurred in my life, I feel sick. I'm not proud of it at all. It's rather funny, luv, I'm feeling so much remorse and I don't even have a soul. I know that what I am going to do is going to be even worse, but I want you to know that I am doing it for you. The only thing in my life that I am proud of, is earning you're love and I would never want to do anything to jeopardize that love. I love you so much . . . "  
  
Spike looked at Buffy; getting no reaction he closed his eyes and forced himself asleep, knowing he may never have this opportunity again.  
  
*****  
  
Wondering what will happen are you? Well, you shall find out soon enough. ( Oh, and the Dawn being sick thing, it really doesn't serve any purpose. I just wanted to throw something else in there. 


	13. Bad News

Bad News  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
*****  
  
Spike opened his eyes slowly as he heard someone shifting around in the room behind him. He looked to his left and saw an absence of Buffy. He flopped over and looked behind. He found Buffy closing the blinds and picking up the batteries to the remote.  
  
"Mornin' luv." Spike looked at Buffy whose hair was wet and her body draped in a tightly tied robe.  
  
"Wow, you're up early." She walked over him onto the couch. He flipped over on his back and watched as she sat down.  
  
"Yeah, thanks to you. Makin' all that bloody noise back there."  
  
"Well," Buffy plopped her feet on Spike's chest and looked at him innocently as he lay there under her feet, "excuse me for making sure that the love of my life doesn't burst into flames." He laughed a bit and sat up. She picked her feet up motioning for him to slip out from under her, and so he did. He stood up and looked around.  
  
"Anybody home?" He smirked.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Yes, Dawn is upstairs sleeping still, but Willow and Tara went off to the Magic Box."  
  
"How is she?" Spike asked, referring to Dawn.  
  
"She's better, actually. She's wiped though, so she's staying here today."  
  
"Well, that's good. I should probably get cleaned up." Spike looked at Buffy and she nodded.  
  
"Clean towels are upstairs in the closet next to the bathroom." She smiled as Spike bent down to kiss her.  
  
"Thanks, pet." He made his way up the stairs. Buffy watched until he was out of sight. She picked up a few odds and ends around the house, then went to the kitchen and sat down at the counter. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.  
  
*****  
  
Ten minutes after Spike made his way up the stairs; he stepped out of the shower. He quickly dried himself off and got dressed. He threw on his jeans, and a gray T-shirt. He ran a towel through his hair, and looked for a comb. He found a small pink one next to the sink, and decided it was better than nothing. He combed back his hair and sighed. He hadn't planned on staying there the whole night, so he didn't have his hair gel handy. He folded his towel and threw it in a basket next to the toilet.  
  
He walked down the hall towards the stairs, but decided to take a peek and check on Dawn first. He stood in her doorway, watching her shake slightly as she slept. He walked in and kneeled down at the side of her bed.  
  
"It'll be okay, luv. I promise." He hated seeing her sick like this. He grabbed a warm wash cloth from her nightstand and brushed it over her forehead. He kissed her head gently and stood up to go downstairs.  
  
He made his way downstairs only to find the living room empty. He walked in the kitchen and smirked at a sleeping Buffy, whose head was resting gently upon his black leather duster, her golden locks spread everywhere. He leaned down and blew slightly in her ear. She muffled something but didn't wake up. He traced his finger along the back of her neck, and kissed her ear gently. She stirred a bit, and reluctantly woke up.  
  
"I gotta go." He whispered softly into her ear. Buffy groaned and tried to convince him to stay.  
  
"Please? I don't want you to go." Her words were so slurred together from her being half-asleep that he could hardly understand her. But he couldn't resist her begging. It was not often that he got to hear it.  
  
"Fine." He sat down in the stool next to her.  
  
"Thank you." She told him, so happy she was practically singing the words. She walked behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist, and placed her head on his shoulders. She looked up at his hair and tousled it a bit. "I hate it when I have to say goodbye to you." She smiled and kissed his neck.  
  
  
  
Spike sat there, feeling his body become colder than it already was. He didn't know how he was going to tell her. If she thought saying goodbye was hard only when it was for a few hours, then she had no idea what was coming.  
  
*****  
  
"One with great power shall rise to the . . . oh, the uh . . . damnit!" Giles threw the book down on the counter and wiped his glasses clean with a white cloth from his pocket.  
  
"Problems oh Great Giles?" Xander asked.  
  
"Yes, I- I can't seem to figure out this prophecy. Apparently, on with great power is going to rise . . . somewhere, or at some time. It could be very soon. We need to figure this out fast." Giles explained.  
  
"Well, we can count these books out." Xander said, staring at the thirty some books in front of him.  
  
"These also." Willow and Tara simultaneously threw their books on the table.  
  
"We are getting absolutely no where." Anya blurted out.  
  
"Well, don't you have a talent for stating the obvious." Xander smiled at his fiancée.  
  
"Well someone had to say it." Anya went back to counting her money, while the rest all looked in new books.  
  
*****  
  
"Okay, but when you come back, don't go to the Magic Box. Come here, I really don't want to leave Dawn." Buffy informed Spike while walking him to the door.  
  
"Ok." Spike kissed Buffy real quick before throwing his blanket over his head, and running out through the sunlight to his crypt.  
  
Spike ducked under a tree real quick to cool down, then continued running. He ran into his crypt faster than ever, then plopped down on his chair, brushing away some of the smoke around him.  
  
Now, he had a few hours to kill. The truth was that there was no big vampire coming to town. He had all the information he needed, and he knew what was going to happen, and what he had to do. He didn't want to worry Buffy yesterday, and he knew that what was going to occur, wasn't happening soon. He wanted to give her and the rest of the Scoobies a little bit more time, before he had to tell them . . . that he needed to go.  
  
*****  
  
Giles, Xander, Anya, Tara, Willow and Buffy all sat quietly in the living room of the Summer's residence. Giles had his book in hand, still trying to translate the prophecy he had been working on for several hours. Buffy sat twiddling her thumbs impatiently. She had already been for a quick patrol, only slaying one vampire. It had been 6 hours and Spike still hadn't come. Xander sat quietly in a chair, holding Anya's hand. The room was full of an unfamiliar tension. One of fear, anxiety, and most strangely, love.  
  
Spike quietly walked in the room, not wanting to cause a fuss. He was greeted by a worried Buffy, who kissed him tenderly, not paying any attention to the people around him.  
  
Giles, watching the display, popped up out of his seat. "What!?" He asked.  
  
"Huh?" Anya asked in return to Giles' remark.  
  
"Oh, dear Lord." Giles rolled his eyes. "Did none of you see that? Xander, you . . . well you should be up, uh, waving your arms around at that putrid display." Giles looked around confused.  
  
"Uh, where have you been?" Anya asked. "We all knew."  
  
"I-is this . . . true?" Giles asked.  
  
"Uh, Giles, maybe you should try crawling out from under your books sometime. Just, sit down." Xander told Giles. Giles sat down, still confused.  
  
"A-and hey, it's not putrid. It's, it's . . . well it's adorable." Willow stated.  
  
"Thanks Red." Spike smiled at Willow, who politely smiled back. Spike looked back at Giles, who still seemed to be wearing a bewildered look on his face. He was about to say something when Buffy beat him to it.  
  
"Uh, keep it up and your face will be stuck like that."  
  
Giles just smiled, and Spike couldn't help but laugh. His laughter was cut short as he remembered what he was really there for. He turned to Buffy, taking her hand.  
  
"Sit down, luv." He told Buffy, the tone in his voice stern. He let go of Buffy's hand and let her sit.  
  
"M'vampire friend turned out to be quite helpful." Spike lied to the people around him. "It's positive that we do have a situation. It seems that there is a vampire clan, a small clan . . . 'bout four blokes if I remember correctly. They're powerful, and fearless it seems. Not that they would have anything to fear."  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" Buffy asked Spike, confused.  
  
"It seems they're invincible. Absolutely nothing can stop them. They can be dusted, but never truly killed. They always come back, sometimes stronger and even more powerful. I'm guessing those vamps you dusted a few nights back," Spike looked at Buffy, "already back and on the road. They don't like to stay in one place for to long, especially a place that is home to a Slayer." Spike finished, looking around as if for questions.  
  
"Well, what is the name of this 'clan', do you know?" Giles spoke up.  
  
"Oh, glad you asked, Watcher, otherwise I probably would have forgotten." Everybody in room rolled their eyes and waited for Spike to continue. "Oh, right. The Clan of Nepsus, I believe they are called."  
  
"Nepsus, I do believe I have heard that somewhere before. Uh, let me check one of the books I have at home, the rest of you check the books I brought with me." Giles instructed everyone.  
  
"I'll look up some stuff on the net, see what I can find." Willow told everyone.  
  
"Y-yes, good idea. I'll be back." Giles left the house and headed for home.  
  
  
  
"The sooner we find some dirt on these Nepsus guys, the sooner Giles can decipher that prophecy." Buffy stated as she moved over towards Spike. "You okay? You seem a bit shaken up." She felt like there was something he wasn't telling her, but she didn't want to push it.  
  
"Yeah, pet, I'm fine." Spike lied to Buffy. He hated lying to her, and he hated himself for doing so. Every time he thought of the news he would sooner of later have to tell her, he had to try so hard to fight back the on coming tears. Spike sat on the edge of the sofa. He stroked Buffy's soft hair and got a faraway look in his eyes. He managed to speak through his gritted teeth and whispered a phrase which he seemed to be using a lot lately.  
  
"It'll all be okay."  
  
*****  
  
"Of course." Giles snapped his book shut, grabbed his coat, and left his home. He drove fast towards the Summer's house. As soon as he got there, he ran up to the house and entered swiftly. Nobody seemed to notice his presence except Spike, who seemed much paler than usual.  
  
Spike grew a lump in his throat as Giles entered the house. He knew that Giles had figured it out and that he would be leaving soon. He didn't know how he was going to tell Buffy and it was killing him. Leaving her was going to be the hardest thing he ever had to do in his whole existence. He was torn away from his thoughts by the sound of Tara's quiet voice.  
  
"G-Giles, you're back. D-did you figure it out? Do you, uh, do you know what we're dealing with?" Tara asked almost in a whisper.  
  
"Yes, I uh, I'm afraid so." Giles told Tara. Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and looked at Giles. Spike sat quietly not moving from his position, his body heavy with guilt.  
  
"So what's up Giles?" Buffy asked, slowly moving towards Spike, sensing that something was wrong.  
  
"Well, first . . . The Clan of Nepsus. They are not as invincible as we have come to think. Each vampire owns a small item containing their invincibility. Once destroyed they are weakened and can be killed, permanently. After the source of their power is ruined, they have no way of getting it back. " Giles told everyone.  
  
"Kind of like my power source." Anya chimed in. "The one which you carelessly and brutally destroyed." She smiled up at Giles.  
  
"Well . . . yes." He answered with his head down. "Uh, Buffy did you notice any sort of jewelry on the vampires. Uh, a broach or a necklace perhaps?" Giles asked.  
  
"Oh! Uh, they all had these little tacky ring things." Buffy told Giles.  
  
"Right, that's it then, destroy the rings and stake the vamps. Easy as that?" Spike asked, sounding a bit uneasy.  
  
"Uh, well, yes I suppose so. But the prophecy, " Giles opened his book, "if I could just . . . " His face went completely blank.  
  
"What? Giles, what is it?" Buffy was a little on edge.  
  
"That's it." Giles looked astounded. "It's not what I thought it would be . . . not at all."  
  
"Giles, what are you talking about?" Buffy was becoming frustrated. Spike placed a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Shhh. Calm down, luv." He told her, as he brushed her cheek with his finger. She smiled and closed her eyes as his cold hand met her skin. He smiled back at her. Giles began to read the prophecy.  
  
"One with great power shall rise to the occasion, let it be the Chosen One, or one not of Chosen blood. One with strength and skill, agility and speed, shall be dead within the fight." Giles finished closing the book slowly. Spike looked at his feet, his eyes building with tears.  
  
The room quickly filled with an uncomfortable silence. Buffy slowly sat on Spike's lap, wrapping her arms loosely around his neck. She was staring off into space, not sure what to do. She had just gotten her life back together, hell, she had just gotten her life back. Now she was going to die . . . again.  
  
"Guess I'm dead then." Buffy spoke up. Spike shifted uncomfortably and looked at everybody in the room.  
  
"No," He said loudly to everyone, his voice slightly cracking, "I am."  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Ohhhhhh! Don't hate me. It will all be fine, I swear. You just have to trust me. Feedback? Oh, and just out of pure curiosity, do you like the format better double-spaced, or single-spaced like in all my other parts. Just wondering. 


	14. Goodbye

Goodbye  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
*****  
  
"What?" Buffy slowly got up from her seat on Spike's lap, her mind reeling with confusion. "W-what are you talking about?" She was beginning to sound scared. "* I'm * going." She yelled.  
  
"Buffy . . . " He looked into her eyes, trying to sort out her emotions. He couldn't find one clue as to what she was feeling. "I have to-"  
  
"No," she was shaking her head, not letting herself believe what she was hearing, "you're not leaving me. You're not going." She looked at him, trying to shake the growing fear in her gut.  
  
"Buffy, you can't go." Spike told her.  
  
"What do you mean I can't go. I'm the Slayer."  
  
"And a mother, and a sister, and a friend, and a lover and-"  
  
"And a daughter." Giles chimed in.  
  
"N-no," Buffy put her hand up to Giles, "just . . . don't." She looked back over at Spike, tears beginning to build up in her eyes. She didn't pay any attention to anyone else around her except Spike. "So you're leaving me?" She began backing away from him, staring at him with cold eyes.  
  
"No, pet. I'm not leaving you. Never, remember? I am leaving for a reason, and you know that that reason is not you." Spike tried to convince her.  
  
"Yeah, but your leaving, and I may never see you again." A tear streamed down her cheek as she walked towards Spike. She wanted to be mad at him, but couldn't. She put her hand on his cold cheek. "You're a part of my heart."  
  
"Please don't make this hard . . . " Spike pleaded.  
  
"Oh, so it was easy before? Is that it?"  
  
"God no Buffy! " He yelled slightly. Catching the tone in his voice, he calmed down. "It kills me to do this. You know how much I love you, and I hate myself for leaving like this-"  
  
"So don't leave. Let me go instead." She managed to spit out through tears and gritted teeth.  
  
"I can't do that. You have so many people who love you and need you. It killed them when you died that first time. Dawn had never been more distraught, neither had any of your friends. These people love you so much, Buffy. They would drag themselves out of bed in the morning, just because they bloody well knew that was what you wanted. You wanted them to keep living. I can't take you away from them again, hell no. And I wouldn't be able to bear to lose you again . . . its time for you to live." He tried his best to make her understand how much it was killing him that he had to go, but it would kill him even more if she went.  
  
"And I can't stand to loose another man that I love. Especially now, after it took me so long to realize how much I really do love you. And after I finally do realize it you up and leave, just like that? After everything we've been through, all the sacrifices I've made, you're just going to leave?" Buffy asked, starting to get mad.  
  
"Ah, I see. Our relationship was just a big sacrifice to you now, was it? Another one of life's barriers that you just overcame, and you're all the better for it?" Spike asked, annoyed.  
  
Buffy swallowed hard. "Well, yeah. I've gone against everything that I have ever known to be right. I've abandoned my friends so many times to be with you and I didn't even notice the hell that poor Dawn was going through. And for what . . . so you could just leave?" Buffy looked at Spike and saw that his eyes were pleading for her to stop, but she continued. "No, you know what, it's fine. N-not like we could have a life together anyway, right? " Her voice was beginning to shake, and her hands felt so cold. "Some dead, souless, creature of the night and a Slayer? Nah, I don't know what the hell I was thinking" She lied.  
  
Spike flinched at what she had just said to him. He didn't know whether to be angry or hurt. He was actually a little of both. It was the first time since he had been turned that he truly felt like crying.  
  
"W-what?" He asked, so confused.  
  
Buffy stood there in shocked at what she had just said. Their relationship had been far from a sacrifice, and she knew it. "No, Spike. I-I didn't mean . . . " Buffy tried to fix what she had just done. She knew she had hurt him so badly.  
  
"Fine." He looked at her, trying to keep a stiff upper lip. "I guess I'll be on my way then. But I will be back." He told everyone in the room.  
  
Buffy felt like she couldn't stand up on her own anymore. She leaned against the wall, her face in her hands. "Oh god . . . " She whispered to herself.  
  
Spike turned to leave when he heard Dawn on the stairs. He looked at her, a tear running down his cheek.  
  
"You're leaving?" She asked him, her voice so soft and innocent. He felt the guilt he had been carrying around for a few days grow even heavier. He hadn't even thought about how the Little Bit was going to react. He didn't want to leave her without saying goodbye, but he couldn't manage to muster up any sort of answer. He looked at Dawn then looked back a Buffy who was now sitting on the floor, her knees tightly pressed to her chest. He closed his eyes tightly, forcing a few more tears to fall, then opened the door slowly and left.  
  
*****  
  
Once outside, Spike rested himself up against the door. He could hear a few people moving around inside, but most of all he could hear Buffy. He could hear her sobs and he wanted to turn around and run back inside to comfort her, but he knew it was best to just keep going. He wiped off his cold, salty tears, pressed his hand against the door, and whispered.  
  
"I love you." He then left for his crypt, trying hard not to think about Buffy and the mistake he had made.  
  
He still had a few things left to pack, and he packed them quickly. The longer he stayed there, the harder it would be to leave. He would be gone, though, in a few hours to begin his search for The Clan of Nepsus. He took his bag, which carried only a few items of clothing, and put it next to the door. He made his way slowly back down the stairs. With each step he thought of Buffy, and with each step he became weaker. He found himself just standing at the bottom of the stairs, trying harder than ever not to break down into tears. Here he was a vampire with no soul, feeling awful about leaving a Slayer . . . whom he was in love with. He laughed a bit at the thought, but then his thoughts turned back to Buffy.  
  
He could feel her silky smooth hair on his fingers; he could smell her scent lingering around his crypt where she had spent so much of her time. He could just feel her warm lips on his and her hands in his hair. Before he knew it, he knees had buckled and he fell to the ground. He held his face in his hands and cried. He didn't care about being evil anymore, or his reputation. He very well might have lost the woman that he loved tonight and it hurt him more than words could express. The thought if never being able to be with Buffy again made his undead heart sink. He lay in a ball on the floor, continuing to cry.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy sat wrapped up in a ball, crying her heart out. Willow came up next to her, but she didn't even notice. She looked around, her eyes wide. She began to hyperventilate when she noticed that Spike had actually gone.  
  
"Oh no." She cried even harder. "Oh god, what have I done." She was still looking around rapidly, apparently in a state of shock. Everything had come so fast and she was still trying to sort things out. She looked up to find Willow hugging her. She held Willow's face in her hands and looked into her eyes.  
  
"What . . . what have I done." Willow just looked back at her with sympathetic eyes.  
  
"Buffy . . . "  
  
"What have I done!?" She yelled through her sobs. Dawn rushed down by her side to hold her, stroking her hair.  
  
"Buffy? Buffy look at me." Dawn weakly tried to lift Buffy's head so their eyes met. She was still sick and weak, but she knew that Buffy needed her. Buffy looked up, still breathing heavily. Dawn felt her eyes beginning to well up as she saw Buffy's tear streaked face, but she shook it off.  
  
"Everything is going to be fine, Buffy. You need to calm down, a-and get some rest." She looked into Buffy's deep, sad eyes. "You need to sleep and we will sort this out in the morning. It's going to be okay." Dawn reassured Buffy.  
  
Buffy remembered when she told Spike about Dawn. 'It'll all be okay, luv' he had reassured her. His voice was so soft and simple. He had a way about him that made her believe everything he told her. She remembered the tone in his voice from a few minutes ago . . . 'I will be back'. Suddenly she knew how much he hated leaving her, but he would come back. He was the only one who would come back for her. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even in a few months. Even if it was only in her dreams, he would be back. He would always be there, always present in her heart. She wiped the tears from her face and took a deep breath. She stood up and managed a slight smile.  
  
"I think you guys should go. There is nothing more that any of you can do." Buffy looked at her peers and gave them a reassuring 'I am going to be okay' look.  
  
"Of course." Giles headed towards the door, but stopped next to Buffy. "It is going to be okay, Buffy. He will pull through." She smiled up at him.  
  
"I know." She told him. He nodded and walked out the door. Xander gave her a quick hug and Anya smiled at her. After the three of them had left, Buffy turned to Dawn.  
  
"You should, uh, really be in bed Dawnie." She looked at her sister.  
  
"No. You need me. And, uh, I-I'm feeling better, really. I don't want to leave you. " Dawn told her sister. Buffy smiled at the concern in Dawn's voice.  
  
"Thank you." She smiled at her sister as Dawn leaned in to give her a hug.  
  
"I, uh, I think I'm gonna turn in. Will you be okay?" Willow said, looking at Buffy.  
  
"Uh, yeah, Will. I'll be fine thanks." She watched as Willow nodded, gave her a hug, then went up the stairs, Tara not fair behind.  
  
Buffy made her way to the couch, Dawn on her tail. They sat down together, comfortable in each other's presence. They sat there for a few minutes, but Dawn couldn't keep sitting there in silence as she listened to her sister sniffle every few seconds.  
  
"Are you really okay Buffy?" Dawn asked. She knew something was up and just wanted to help her sister, more than anything.  
  
Buffy knew she couldn't hide her true feelings from Dawn and decided to stop playing games. She looked up at Dawn with her once happy, peaceful eyes, which were now crawling with bloodshot veins and tears creeping from the back of her eyes. She choked a bit as she began to speak.  
  
"No."  
  
*****  
  
Spike looked around his crypt and decided he had everything. After and hour or so of crying, he decided he had to leave. With his eyes red and puffy and his bag in his hand, he left, the sound of the doors low click echoing loudly through the cold, lonely, empty crypt.  
  
*****  
  
It's all kinds of good. Just remember this . . . loopholes. Okay? You will find out soon enough. Next few chapters are gonna be sort of grieving (but not * really * grieving), revelations of sorts, and trying to move on. Key word there is trying. Okay? Don't worry, I have the situation under control.  
  
I just wanna thank everyone now for their wonderful reviews so far. They really do mean the world to me! Thank you soooooo much! 


	15. In Her Dreams

In Her Dreams  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
Dawn sat quietly listening to her sister cry, stroking her hair gently. This all seemed too weird. It was only a few hours ago that Buffy had sat, stroking her hair, telling her everything was going to be okay. Now the tables had turned. Sure, she was still sick and weak, but Buffy needed her.  
  
  
  
Dawn was startled a bit by the sound of Buffy mumbling something.  
  
  
  
"I should have gone. It's my fault." Buffy whispered. Dawn gently lifted up her sister's head and looked into her pain filled eyes.  
  
  
  
"Buffy, no." She said sternly.  
  
  
  
"Dawn, he left. H-he promised he wouldn't, b-but he did. Just like everyone else."  
  
  
  
"It is completely different this time Buffy. Spike is not like Angel, Parker, or Riley. He loves you so much. When I asked him if he was leaving, and I looked into his eyes, God I wanted to stake him."  
  
  
  
Buffy looked up at her sister, stifling her sobs for a few seconds. Dawn saw a look of confusion crawl across Buffy's face.  
  
  
  
"Oh, no, I-I didn't mean . . . that. I just, you know, to put him out of his misery. " Buffy nodded at Dawn's explanation, but surprisingly did not return to crying. She sat up and took in a deep breath.  
  
  
  
"You're right." Buffy spoke up. "This is completely different. It's not like with dad, or Angel, Riley, or Parker. Spike, h-he . . . he was the only one who left . . . to die." Buffy finished speaking; her last few words seemed almost a whisper.  
  
  
  
Dawn had no idea what to say, there were no words. She decided on the safest route, changing the subject.  
  
  
  
"Look, why don't we go upstairs and get some sleep. I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning." Dawn told her sister.  
  
  
  
"I'm not too sure about the feeling better part, but I could use some sleep." Buffy agreed. They both slowly got up from the sofa and headed towards the stairs. Dawn walked Buffy to her room.  
  
  
  
"Do you want me to stay." Dawn asked.  
  
  
  
"Oh, no Dawnie. You shouldn't even be up. You need your rest too. You have to get better." She said, placing a hand on Dawn's cheek. "I'll be okay tonight." She tried to reassure Dawn, even though she herself knew that she wasn't going to be okay.  
  
  
  
"Okay. Goodnight Buffy. I love you." Dawn told her leaving the room.  
  
  
  
"That's what they all say." Buffy whispered before turning off her light and laying her head down on her pillow.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Buffy opened her eyes slowly and looked at the clock 5:43. She groaned slightly before rolling over. She gasped a little as she saw a figure standing in the doorway. She rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn't just seeing things.  
  
"It's alright." He whispered, moving closer to her bed. "It is not your fault. There is no one to blame." He told her, his voice soothing.  
  
  
  
Buffy felt the side of her bed sag as his body crept up beside hers. She finally found her voice and spoke up.  
  
  
  
"S-spike?" She whispered.  
  
  
  
"Shhhh luv. It's alright." He told her.  
  
  
  
"Y-you were gone, a-and it was my fault. I should have stopped you. Maybe I should have shown you just how much I love you. Then maybe you wouldn't have left."  
  
  
  
"I'm back now, luv. It's okay." He stroked her hair and a tear ran down her cheek.  
  
  
  
"I know. You're the only one. The only one who ever came back." She kissed him and leaned into his body. She felt her back grow cold from being pressed up so tightly against him, but she didn't care. He was back, forever.  
  
  
  
"I love you." They both whispered in unison, before falling asleep.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Buffy's eyes opened faster than she had expected them too. She looked around her room. It was empty. There was no one there, no Spike. It was a dream. Tears streamed down her cheek as she remembered how he had slept so closely to her. It had seemed so real. She rolled over to the place on her bed that Spike had occupied. She lay there for a minute before realizing that it was cold. Freezing to be exact. Her back seemed cold also, almost as if she had slept on ice. She took a deep breath in and could have sworn that there was the slightest hint if Spike's cologne lingering on her pillow. Had it really been a dream? No, it had to have been. Spike was gone. He left.  
  
  
  
His soft words from her dream came back to her. "It's not your fault. There is no one to blame."  
  
  
  
It had all seemed so real. His words made her feel comforted. And she knew when he told her, she knew it wasn't her fault. She knew he had left for her, not because of her. It was weird. She felt relieved, content. She hadn't expected to feel like this for a long time. She thought things would all go to hell after Spike had left. But here she was, the next morning, feeling rather chipper.  
  
  
  
She rolled back over and brushed her hair out of her face. Her clock read 11:57 a.m. She sighed and pushed herself up and out of bed. She decided to skip breakfast and instead headed straight for the shower. A warm shower was just what she needed.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Buffy walked into the kitchen and was greeted by three smiling young women.  
  
  
  
"Morning." She smiled as she entered the room. No one said anything back. "Well, aren't we a quiet bunch." Buffy said as she slid onto the same stool her and Spike had once shared.  
  
  
  
"Are, uh, are you okay?" Tara was the first to speak up.  
  
  
  
"I'm okay. A bit drained and a slight headache, but other than that . . . yeah, I'm fine." She told them. "But, isn't there one other person who should be answering that question also." She turned her head towards Dawn and smiled.  
  
  
  
"Dawnie, are you okay?" Buffy asked her sister.  
  
  
  
"Oh, yeah. I'm feeling a whole lot better. I actually got a full nights sleep for once." She filled everybody in.  
  
  
  
"Well, I'm glad one of us did." Willow chimed in.  
  
  
  
"You guys didn't get any sleep?" Buffy asked. "How come?"  
  
  
  
Willow and Tara smiled at each other, Tara blushing slightly. "It's not important really." The two girls giggled.  
  
  
  
"Ah." Buffy replied, turning her head and giving her sister a 'I think it is time for you to leave cause I have something to say that I don't think you need hear' look.  
  
  
  
Dawn got the message. "I'll, uh, I'll go watch some TV." She told the other women who sat quietly in the room.  
  
  
  
"Buffy, what's up?" Willow asked. "You had your 'I think it is time for you to leave cause I have something to say that I don't think you need hear' look goin' on."  
  
  
  
"I, uh, I had a dream. I-it was weird." Buffy told them.  
  
  
  
"Prophetic?" Tara asked.  
  
  
  
"No. It was, um, it was about Spike." She saw a look of confusion and sympathy crawl across Tara and Willow's faces. "It was weird," she continued, "it was so real. I could feel everything. And everything he said . . . it was, unbelievable."  
  
  
  
"Well, what, uh, what did he say?" Willow asked uneasily, not wanting to pry.  
  
  
  
"He said it wasn't my fault, that he left. That there was no one to blame. He said it would all be okay. Then he told me he loved me."  
  
  
  
Tara and Willow listened and watched as Buffy got a far off look in her eyes, glazed with growing tears.  
  
  
  
"He fell asleep next to me, his body so close to mine, holding me so tightly. He was cold, but that is just how he is, y'know." She forced a laugh a bit. "But when I woke up . . . I don't know. My bed was cold and my back . . . it was freezing. But, I- I felt so content. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, and his words were still so fresh in my mind." She finished wiping a slight tear away from her cheek.  
  
  
  
"Maybe it was really him." Tara offered as a suggestion.  
  
  
  
"What do you mean?" Willow asked.  
  
  
  
"Well, not him, b-but his spirit. E-everything he was thinking m-might have found it's way into y-your dreams. That's probably why you felt s-so content." Tara finished.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, if it was his spirit then he was able to tell you exactly what he was feeling. Tell you that it was alright, it wasn't your fault, and you believe him cause, well, it was really him." Willow added, restating most of what Tara had said.  
  
  
  
"But if that is true, why is it happening now? Why with him? Why not my dad, or Angel, or somebody else?" Buffy asked.  
  
  
  
"Because none of that mattered." Willow told her. "You knew why they left, and part of you didn't need to be reassured. But with Spike, he loved you so much and you loved him. You needed to know why someone who's love for you was so obvious, you needed to know why they left. You needed to know that it wasn't you fault."  
  
  
  
"And since the two of you have such an unbelievably strong physical, mental and emotional connection, your spirits are connected easily as well." Tara finished.  
  
"So that really was Spike? Wow." She smiled a bit. She knew that if his spirit could visit her, than her spirit could visit him.  
  
  
  
"I just can't get rid of him." She whispered to herself, laughing a bit. She was looking forward to seeing Spike again, even if it was only for a little while . . . and only in her dreams.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
I know this took a long time to get up, and I am sorry.  
  
Thank you to everyone who waited patiently and thank you for all your wonderful reviews! Please, keep them coming! 


	16. One Day At a Time

One Day at a Time  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No Buffy, no Spike, no nothing.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"There you are." A quiet, soothing voice spoke to him.  
  
  
  
Spike looked around his hotel room. There, in the shadow of the curtains he saw a petite, young woman. She walked towards him, speaking slowly.  
  
  
  
"It took me a while to find you." She moved even closer to him, placing her hand over his cheek.  
  
  
  
Her skin was soft and warm. She smelled so familiar, so distinct. There was only one person he had ever known to smell so beautiful, yet he wasn't sure. It couldn't possibly be her. She couldn't have followed him. He had made it so clear to her that she needed to stay with her family. He watched as she moved forward a bit, the moonlight revealing her face.  
  
  
  
"Buffy?" He whispered in shock. "No, I told you . . . " He trailed off.  
  
  
  
"It's okay. I wanted to be with you. So I fell asleep, and I found you." She whispered to him.  
  
  
  
"How did you-" He was cut off.  
  
  
  
"Shhhh. No words." She sat on his bed and ran her hands through his hair. "Just hold me."  
  
  
  
Spike immediately sat up and wrapped his arms around the woman he loved. He stroked her hair and was calmed by the soothing sound of her heartbeat.  
  
  
  
"God I've missed you." He told her.  
  
  
  
She lifted her head from his should and took his face in her hands. She kissed him gently. She parted from him, but he pulled her back into a deep kiss. Their tongues battled fiercely, and after what seemed hours they both parted.  
  
  
  
"I've missed you too. I need you to know . . . that I love you." She told him.  
  
  
  
"I know you do, luv."  
  
  
  
"No, I love you . . . so much. More than anyone. Being away from you is going to be hard, but if we can meet like this . . . "  
  
  
  
"Everynight, pet. I wouldn't miss it for the world. " He kissed her again and they laid together for a while.  
  
  
  
"I've gotta go now." She whispered.  
  
  
  
He groaned a little bit, but reluctantly gave up. "I love you." They kissed again, then she was gone, and he was left feeling empty once again.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Spike woke up almost as if someone had thrown cold water on top of him. He looked next to him, not knowing what to expect. He was disappointed when he found no one there. His dream was so real though, and he knew it hadn't been only just a dream. That was her, or part of her. He remembered every minute of it, and dreams were not that real.  
  
  
  
"Soddin' spirits." He said to himself as he got out of bed. But even if it was only a spirit, he didn't care. It had been the most amazing thing. She was really there; they were holding each other. He was happy for the first time since he had left. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all. He had already dusted one out of the four of those Nepsus fellows and destroyed their power source. Things were looking up.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Things were looking up. Buffy had had another one of her dreams with Spike. She didn't know where she had been exactly. And like she had said, it had taken her a while to find him. If things kept going at this rate, she would be okay. She just had to take it one day at a time.  
  
  
  
"What's goin' on?" Buffy asked as she walked into the living room where Xander, Willow, and Dawn were currently present.  
  
  
  
"Just watchin' some afternoon infomercials." Willow told her.  
  
  
  
"Yeah?" Buffy asked curiously as she entered the room.  
  
  
  
"Yeah. This one is cool: The Tire Pump 2002. " Xander told Buffy. "Pumps air into a tire and removes it in less than a minute. Neatio."  
  
  
  
Buffy flinched a bit and tears grew in the back of her eyes as she remembered the night she had slept on the couch with Spike. He had gushed over that stupid piece of machinery like a little child. She shook the tears away quickly and did something she never though she would do.  
  
  
  
"Can you write that number down for me?"  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Buffy slowly opened the door to Spike's crypt. She hadn't been there since he left. It was emptier than usual. Although the whole Spike-not-living- there situation might have had an impact on that. His chair was still placed a few feet in front of the TV. She heard a slight humming coming from on side of the crypt. She walked towards the sound and stopped in front of his refrigerator. It was still there. His refrigerator was still there and it was on. She opened the door but found no blood. Instead she found bottles of water and Cherry Coke. She opened the door to the freezer and found, just like Dawn had said a while back, a few frozen dinners.  
  
  
  
She shut the door and moved over towards the cabinets. They were full. Full of cereals, chips, and other human foods. There were a few cups, plates, and bowls left behind. The intensity of the situation didn't hit her for a few minutes. He had done this for her. All for her. She never had really thought much of the food he kept around for her, but this now she understood. He thought they would be together until the day she died. He had fixed his crypt so neat and he had stocked up on food for her. He must have considered this her home as well as his. It was the smallest, weirdest but sweetest gesture of his love for her and how strong it was. But, why was this all still here? She couldn't figure it out. He had kept his fridge running. Why? He was gone. No one was living here; no one would be com-  
  
  
  
"I'll be damned." She whispered to herself.  
  
  
  
He knew she would be coming. He must have. Why else would he do this? She laughed to herself a bit and ran her fingers through her hair. How did he know her so well?  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
She made her way down the ladder and to his bed. Obviously it was too big to pack, but the sheets weren't. Yet they were still there. She lay down under the sheets and closed her eyes, letting a small tear fall on the pillow. A few minutes passed and her one tear grew into two, and two into twenty. Soon she found herself sobbing.  
  
  
  
The room suddenly grew cold and she felt a feeling of relief flow through her. She lifted her head, but there was no one there. She lay back down for a while, continuing to cry.  
  
  
  
"Don't cry, pet." Buffy jumped at the sound of the voice, but smiled when she realized who it was.  
  
  
  
"I told you not to sneak up on me." She smiled.  
  
  
  
"Since when have I ever listened to you?" Spike smirked.  
  
  
  
"Since you became whipped." She smirked back.  
  
  
  
"You sure do think a lot of yourself don't you, Slayer?" He asked. She just laughed and sat up a bit.  
  
  
  
Spike sat down next to her, taking in her beauty. He wiped the salty tears off her face and kissed her softly.  
  
  
  
"Thank you." She whispered.  
  
  
  
"For what, pet?" Spike asked as he stroked her hair.  
  
  
  
"This." She said as she looked around his crypt.  
  
  
  
"Well, I never did like those sheets anyway."  
  
  
  
"No, t-that's not what I mean, Spike. Thank you for giving me a-a way to . . . remember you." She said softly.  
  
  
  
"Remember me? Pet, I'm not dead y-"  
  
  
  
"Shhhhh. Let's not do this." Buffy looked at him with tears in his eyes and his heart sank.  
  
  
  
"Alright." He reached out and wrapped his arms around her. Her body melted into his and they lay down on the bed together. It was silent for a while. A comfortable, content silence.  
  
  
  
"I got you a present." Buffy told Spike.  
  
  
  
"Oh yeah? And what would that be?" He asked.  
  
  
  
"You'll have to wait and see."  
  
  
  
"Buff-" he started but decided to stop. "Okay." He smiled.  
  
  
  
Buffy rolled over to face him. She brushed her lips softly against his and smiled.  
  
  
  
"Please come back to me, Spike. Please." She whispered. Then everything was silent. There was no one there but her. Alone . . . and empty.  
  
  
  
She slowly got out of bed and made her way towards the ladder. Before leaving, she took something from inside Spike's nightstand. She made her way up the ladder and towards his front door. As she reached the door she turned and took one last look around his crypt.  
  
  
  
"Goodbye, William. I'll always love you." she whispered. And with that, she turned and left his crypt.  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Sorry for the wait. I had a very sick, long, exhausting week. But thank you for waiting! The next chapter should be up very soon.  
  
  
  
Remember . . . I live for feedback! 


	17. The Longest Year

The Longest Year  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No Buffy, no Spike, no nothing.  
  
  
  
Note: I am sorry, but whoever called me a bitch in a review for my last chapter, it was not appreciated at all. I do not mind constructive critisism, I really don't. As a matter of fact I welcome it. But that was out of line. I don't know if you were kidding, but I really don't care. I do not write this for me, I write it for you. And if that is the kind of response I am going to get then I will stop writing. I know that sounds over-dramatic and people are probably giving me the biggest eye roll ever, but I took the time to write this. I was so sick I could barely stand, but I people kept asking me write more . . . so I did. I'm sorry if some of you did not find the chapter good enough, or Spuffy enough, but hello, this * is* a Spuffy fic. I am one of the biggest Spike/Buffy fans ever. It going to get better. You kinda have to trust me, though. Just keep reading. It WILL get better. I promise. Fluff to come. No worries. Thank you.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
It had been one year. The longest year of Buffy's life. Her relationships with her friends had gone back to they way it had been before she died. Dawn was 17 and dating. Xander and Anya were a happily married couple of four months and Willow and Tara had moved out of the Buffy's house and into their own place. Now it was just her and Dawn. Life was actually pretty good. She was happy. Yet still the days seemed slower than usual. She had everything most people wanted except . . . no. She promised herself she wouldn't think about him. A few months back her dreams had become fewer and fewer, until they were gone completely. Then she knew . . . he was truly gone.  
  
  
  
It killed her to think about it. She had never talked about it with anyone. As far as they knew, she was over it. She had moved on. Of course she didn't give them any reason to believe otherwise. She had met someone. He was nice, treated her with respect. But it was hard. She had only met up with him a few times, but afterwards she always felt guilty. Part of her still believed that he was alive, but most of her knew that wasn't the case.  
  
  
  
Buffy was jolted out of her thoughts by the sound of the door slamming.  
  
  
  
"God!" Dawn shouted in frustration.  
  
  
  
"Didn't go well, huh?" Buffy asked.  
  
  
  
"Only the worst date ever." Dawn sat down next to Buffy on the sofa. "Ya know, I really thought he was different. I mean, I know I have said it before, but this time I am serious. Guess I was wrong. He is just as pig headed as the rest of them. Why can't I find just one decent guy?"  
  
  
  
"I dunno Dawnie. It seems the decent ones always get away." Buffy told her.  
  
  
  
Dawn realized what her sister meant, and she placed her head on Buffy's shoulder. "Love sucks."  
  
  
  
Buffy laughed a bit. "Yeah."  
  
  
  
They sat in silence for a while until Buffy spoke up.  
  
  
  
"It doesn't have to y'know."  
  
  
  
"What?" Dawn asked.  
  
  
  
"Suck. Love doesn't have to suck. I say we make a pact. No more dates." Buffy told her sister.  
  
  
  
"Wait, Buf-" Dawn was cut off.  
  
  
  
"No, I know. I mean, not forever. Only for maybe say . . . a year. Okay, no, not a year. A few months. C'mon Dawn. Whaddya say?" She looked at Dawn with a hopeful expression on her face. At least if she didn't date for a while she wouldn't have to feel the guilt that she felt after the few dates she had had since he left.  
  
  
  
"Well yeah. I mean, that would be all fine and good, but what about your date with Jacob tonight?" Dawn asked, eyesbrows raised.  
  
"My what with huh and hmm?" Buffy asked quickly.  
  
"Date. Jacob. Tonight." Dawn told Buffy.  
  
  
  
"Shit that was tonight!?" Buffy shouted.  
  
  
  
"Buffy!" Dawn had never heard Buffy say anything worse than 'kick your ass'.  
  
  
  
"Sorry, sorry. That was bad. Never say that. But oh . . . my . . . God! Uh, you wouldn't happen to know what time this date would be, would you?" Buffy asked Dawn.  
  
  
  
"In 20 minutes." Dawn told her.  
  
"Oh, okay. Well, let's see. I'm not gonna sleep with him so I don't need to shave." Buffy was counting off on her fingers, the things she needed to do.  
  
  
  
"But you have to smell nice so . . . shower." Dawn told her.  
  
  
  
"Did that a few minutes ago. So that leaves hair, makeup and clothes. Okay. No biggie." Buffy took a deep breath in and started up the stairs.  
  
  
  
Dawn watched as her sister less than enthusiastically made her way up the stairs. She still missed Spike, everyone could tell. Honestly, Dawn had no idea why Buffy even made this date with Jacob. It wasn't going to go anywhere. Spike had been the love of her life and she wasn't even close to over him yet.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"So I am totally over it." Buffy told the man sitting across from her.  
  
  
  
"You're sure?" Jacob asked.  
  
  
  
"Yeah. I mean, you won fair and square . . . except for the fact that you didn't."  
  
  
  
"Buffy, I didn't cheat." Jacob tried to reassure her. "Maybe you're just a sore loser." He said playfully.  
  
  
  
"Oh, come on. There is no way anybody could possibly get the eight ball into the side pocket from that angle." Buffy pointed towards the spot on the pool table where the eight ball had previously been.  
  
  
  
"Sure there is. Here." Jacob leaned over Buffy placing his left hand over hers and his right hand slightly in front of hers on the pool queue.  
  
  
  
"Here's your first problem. You're not holding it right. Move your hand up a bit."  
  
  
  
Buffy slowly inched her hand towards his until they were touching. They were close . . . too close. His body was pressed up against her back, nice and warm. It was uncomfortable. Her body suddenly tensed up and pulled away from him a bit.  
  
  
  
"Uh, you know I-I believe you. It's fine. Really." She looked at the confused expression on Jacob's face and decided to change the subject.  
  
  
  
"Okay. How about you get us some drinks and I'll get a table." Jacob shook his head 'yes' and walked away. Buffy looked around a bit for a table and found one. It was probably the only one empty, but she couldn't sit there. It was the table that she had shared with Spike when he told her about his past. The night he almost kissed her, the night she almost let him. The night she told him he was beneath her, and the night he had proved her wrong by comforting her even after everything she had done to him.  
  
  
  
No. This table definitely would not work.  
  
  
  
"Did you find a table?" Jacob asked as he came up behind her, not startling her a bit.  
  
  
  
"Oh, uh . . . no." She lied.  
  
  
  
"Well, what about that one?" Jacob asked, pointing to the table right behind them. The exact table she had been trying to avoid.  
  
  
  
"Um, bugs. Big, BIG bugs. And I am really not a big bug fan. So uh . . . stairs?" She pointed towards the stair and he agreed. They made they're way over and sat on the first step. It was silent for a while, but eventually they began talking, mostly about past experiences. Jobs, school, everything except-  
  
  
  
"Past love life?" Jacob asked.  
  
  
  
"Ah, the million dollar question." Buffy looked down into her drink and swirled it around a bit with her straw.  
  
  
  
"And from your reaction, I'm guessing things haven't been so great in the past." Jacob told her.  
  
  
  
Buffy decided it was best to tell him everything. Not any of the slayage type stuff, of course. But maybe if she told him, he would be the one who would stay. She took a deep breath in.  
  
  
  
"Lots of love and loss."  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Standing only a few feet away in the shadows of the Bronze, there was a man who seemed fixed on Buffy. He watched as she played pool and let that other man hold her, a pang of jealously striking him hard. He should have expected that, though. He should have known she wouldn't wait for him, after everything. He watched some more and felt relieved when she pulled away, but his heart sank once more as she sat down with that man.  
  
  
  
His listened intensely as the two talked. Mostly boring stuff. Jobs, school, everything except-  
  
  
  
"Past love life?"  
  
  
  
He heard the man ask. He couldn't hear that much from then on, even though he had tried so hard to make out what they were saying. The conversation seemed to last forever, and as far as he could tell, Buffy was the only one talking. She always could hold a decent one-sided conversation, he thought to himself.  
  
  
  
He listened as the two finished up their conversation. He decided not to disturb her until the time was right.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"That's pretty much it." Buffy finished. She looked at Jacob who had a sincere 'I am so sorry' look on his face.  
  
  
  
"God Buffy. I'm sorry." He told her.  
  
  
  
"It's not your fault."  
  
  
  
"Yeah, but I opened the emotional gates of hell." He told her. She laughed a bit and it felt . . . different. Good different. She hadn't laughed for a while, at least not on a date.  
  
  
  
They sat in an awkward silence for a while, until Jacob spoke.  
  
  
  
"So you're ready to move on? Ready to love again?" He asked quietly, not sure whether he should really be asking or not.  
  
  
  
"Wow. Check out the intensity of that question."  
  
  
  
"Oh, no I-I didn't mean wi-"  
  
  
  
"I know what you meant. And to answer your question . . . " her mind raced with thoughts on what to say. Yes, no, maybe, possibly, never again. That is what she really wanted to say. Never again. Her thoughts automatically went to Spike. She hadn't let herself think about him in so long, but now seemed appropriate. He would want her to be happy. Even though he would hate the thought of her falling for another guy, he would want her to be happy. She made her decision. " . . . yes. I-I'm ready. I think cupid as finally pulled his arrow out of my ass. Or, uh, something less confusing and less mixed-metaphor-y." She managed a weak smile.  
  
  
  
"Glad to hear it." Jacob smiled back.  
  
  
  
"Yeah. Moving on does sound good right about now." This was it. She could feel herself beginning to babble. "I mean, they all left, right? They left me. A-and it was not my fault. At least the last one wasn't. I-I really loved him. Even though I wasn't supposed to. I-it was written. You know, sacred duty and all. But I did. God I loved him. B-but he is gone now. Dead. I mean, he was dead before, but now it is dusty dead. And you can't fix that. So," Buffy took a deep breath and looked up at Jacob, "I think I'm ready to fall in love again."  
  
  
  
Buffy felt a cold hand rest on her should and a familiar, soothing voice began to speak.  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry to hear that, luv."  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Ohhhhhhhh left you hanging. Who is the mystery man (I know, it is obvious who it was)? What will Buffy say? Will they get back together? You'll just have to wait. Am I evil?  
  
Feedback is greatly appreciated! Please review! 


	18. Mixed Signals

Welcome Home  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No Buffy, no Spike, no nothing.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Buffy slowly turned from her place on the step. She stood slowly, her legs shaking beneath her. Her head was down and she feared to look up. From the moment his cold palm touched her shoulder she had hoped it was him. She needed it to be him. She didn't know what she would do if it weren't.  
  
  
  
She raised her head slowly until her eyes met with his beautiful, deep blue ones. It was him. She stood there, frozen. She didn't know what to say and she couldn't manage to create any sort of expression on her face. It was him.  
  
  
  
He watched as she stood there. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. He hadn't seen her in so long and she was amazing. It was only a few seconds but he could bear to do this anymore. She was right there in front of him. Buffy. She was there. He needed her to say something. He couldn't tell anything from her blank expression and the silence was killing him.  
  
  
  
"Look, I-" He was cut off.  
  
  
  
"Spike." She stated in awe. She was surprised she was able to get the words out, and now that she had she didn't know what to do. All she wanted was to grab him and kiss him, have him hold her. She wanted to tell him that she loved him and how much she missed him. She wanted to hear him say that he loved her and he missed her and how he couldn't live without her, but something told her that wasn't going to happen.  
  
  
  
"Spike." She stated again, this time more emotion put into it.  
  
  
  
Her voice was shaky and he could see the tears beginning to grow from the back of her eyes. He watched her hand move from her side up to his cheek. He felt the warmth of her flesh against his and he couldn't help but to close his eyes and smile. He had missed this so much. Suddenly her hand jerked away and she was looking at him, her features soft but confused.  
  
  
  
"It's really you. B-but you're . . . you . . . I-I . . . oh." She could barely speak now. Now that she had felt him, now that she knew he was really there.  
  
  
  
"Look, I see that you busy." He said softly, eyeing Jacob in the background. "I, uh, I don't want to disturb you so I . . . well, you know where to find me." He said. He took a long unneeded breath and slowly walked away. He wanted more than anything to hear her call his name, and for her to jump into his arms and kiss him, but she didn't.  
  
  
  
Buffy stood for a moment as he turned to walk away. She yearned to call his name but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Why was she doing this? She loved him. Why was she letting him go?  
  
  
  
"Uh, Buffy?" Jacob cleared his throat. She turned around swiftly to face him, tears in her eyes. She cleared her throat also and spoke softly.  
  
  
  
"Look, I'm suddenly not feeling well and I-"  
  
  
  
"Is he the one from LA?" Jacob asked, knowing what she meant by 'I'm not feeling well'.  
  
  
  
"No," she smiled, "he's the dead one."  
  
  
  
"He doesn't look so dead to me." Jacob said.  
  
  
  
"Well, looks can be deceiving." Buffy told him.  
  
  
  
"Look, I can't stop you from going cause, well, it is obvious you have some unresolved issues with him, but uh, maybe a phone number would be good? I mean, I've been to your house but I've never gotten a phone number."  
  
  
  
"Oh, sure." Buffy smiled weakly. She looked towards the door Spike had just exited out of and quickly wrote something down. She handed the napkin to Jacob, smiled, and left quickly.  
  
  
  
Jacob watched her leave and opened the napkin to read what she had written.  
  
  
  
- - 'I'm sorry'- -  
  
  
  
Jacob frowned a bit but nodded in understanding. Those two were in love, deeply in love. Even a bystander like him could see it.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
He should have known. He didn't know why he had expected her to wait for him. He was gone, what, a year and some? He should have known.  
  
  
  
Spike pushed open the door to his crypt and shut it behind him. He looked around a bit and found that everything was as he left it, except it smelled . . . fresher. It smelled like-  
  
  
  
"What the hell was that!?"  
  
  
  
Buffy.  
  
  
  
He thought he had felt her coming but he hadn't been sure. But there she was. Standing in his doorway wearing a face that would have scared even the toughest of demons.  
  
  
  
"Buffy," He started quietly, "I didn't mean t-"  
  
  
  
"No, Spike. What the hell was that?" She asked. Her voice seemed cold but he could he a slight bit of soft emotion behind it. "Explain, Spike." She said coldly.  
  
  
  
She watched as he just stood there, a look of confusion across his face. He wasn't looking at her though; he was looking around his crypt.  
  
  
  
"Spike?" she asked, her voice soft this time.  
  
  
  
"I don't get it." He said out of the blue.  
  
  
  
"Spike, what are you talking about?"  
  
  
  
"My crypt. I was gone for a long while, right?" He said looking at Buffy, "a year and a half or so, but-"  
  
  
  
"More like 437 days." She cut in. He gave her a look of surprise and she smiled. "Continue." She told him.  
  
  
  
"But, why is everything still here. I mean, this is a nice crypt. And you and I both know that there are some pretty nasty demons walkin' around out there lookin' for a place to stay. So why didn't they take it? I mean, they could have at least taken the telly." He stopped for a moment and stared into Buffy's eyes. "Someone must have been stayin' here while I was out." He said cockily.  
  
  
  
"Oh no. If you think I stayed in this hole, then you are dead wrong. I would nev-" She was cut off by Spike gently placing two fingers over her lips.  
  
  
  
"I can smell you, pet. Your scent lingering everywhere. This place is full of it." He said, cocking his head to the side and smirking.  
  
  
  
She hated it when he was right. She hated it even more when he smirked at her. She had to strain to restrain herself from saying or doing something that she would regret. Instead she gently kissed the fingers that were lying on her lips, causing him to flinch a bit. Obviously, that wasn't what he had been expecting.  
  
  
  
"So what. So what if it was me? I only came here to get away. Get away from everyone else and be with you. This place was the only thing I had after you left. It was the only thing that kept part of me believing that you were still alive. This was it." She looked around the room. "You left . . . and this was all I had." She said.  
  
  
  
His features changed from one of raging ego to one of sympathy.  
  
  
  
"Buffy, I'm sorry. You know I never meant to hurt you. You know I left because I- I . . . " he trailed off a bit, hoping she would finish the sentence for him.  
  
  
  
"I know." She said. She walked past him and sat on the arm of his chair. She looked back up at him and motioned for him to sit next to her. He didn't need to be asked twice. He sat down and held his arms out a bit. She smiled and slid into his lap, burying her head in his chest. This is what she missed. Being so close to him, smelling his sweet scent, feeling his cold body beneath hers. It was silent for a while. Many minutes passed, both of them so content, but neither of them telling each other how they felt. Buffy was the first to speak.  
  
  
  
"Why didn't you ask about him?"  
  
  
  
"Who?" He asked blankly.  
  
  
  
"Jacob, the guy I was with. Why didn't you yell at him, or me, or tell him to 'sod off' or something?" Buffy asked.  
  
  
  
"S'not my place to pry, luv." He told her. That hadn't been what she was expecting. His answer was cold and serious and his voice was stern.  
  
  
  
"You can make it yours." She told him. She looked up at him her eyes pleading for him to reply. All she wanted was for him to smile, kiss her, and tell her that he was hers forever. That he loves her more than anything, because right now . . . she wasn't so sure he did.  
  
  
  
When he didn't answer she got up from his lap. He looked at her blankly, not knowing what to say.  
  
  
  
Buffy got her answer, or at least she thought she did.  
  
  
  
"Right." She lowered her head and walked towards the door.  
  
  
  
"Buffy . . . " He called out.  
  
  
  
"Yes?" She answered quickly.  
  
  
  
He thought about whether to say he loved her or not, but then he remembered what she said at the Bronze.  
  
  
  
- -'I think I'm ready to fall in love again.'- -  
  
  
  
"You look great." He said instead.  
  
  
  
She lowered her head once more and sighed. "It was nice to see you again, Spike."  
  
  
  
He watched her leave then turned to face the blank screen on the television. Their reunion hadn't exactly been what he expected. She didn't love him anymore and he would just have to deal.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Buffy slowly unlocked the door to her house. She pushed it open and slammed it shut.  
  
  
  
"Rough night?" Dawn asked, appearing from the kitchen.  
  
  
  
Buffy smiled and through her purse on the floor.  
  
  
  
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed so far! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!  
  
I know things are looking down right about now, but let's have no worries.  
  
I finished the next chapter too and put it up. I had nothing to do today I finished all make-up work for school, and my dad is glued to the TV watching football, so I wrote part 19 also. Lucky for you. ;) 


	19. Reunions

Reunions  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No Buffy, no Spike, no nothing.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"Oh my God." Dawn stared blankly at Buffy.  
  
  
  
"Yeah." Buffy replied to her sister.  
  
  
  
"Oh my God." Dawn said again.  
  
  
  
"Yeah."  
  
  
  
"Oh.My.God." Dawn said once more.  
  
  
  
"Okay, this conversation is going nowhere." Buffy slid off of her stool and began walking towards the living room. Dawn followed right behind her.  
  
  
  
"Buffy, what are you going to do?" Dawn asked sympathetically, sitting down next to Buffy on the couch.  
  
  
  
"Nothing. Things will just go back to the way they were," Buffy looked at Dawn and saw her face light up, "before we got together." She corrected herself.  
  
  
  
"Buffy, is that really what you want?" Dawn asked. Buffy picked up the remote and started flipping through the channels, avoiding answering Dawn's question.  
  
  
  
"Buffy . . . " Dawn said sternly.  
  
  
  
"Yes." Buffy said as she swallowed hard.  
  
  
  
"You suck at lying." Dawn said. Buffy shot her a glare, but she just continued. " I saw how you two were together. I saw how happy he made you and how happy you made him. I also saw how crushed you were when he left and I saw how crushed he was too. He has loved you for so long, Buffy. And I know you love him, more than you think you do. Admit it. You've loved him longer than you let yourself think you have. You don't just forget about love that easily, Buffy."  
  
  
  
"Well he sure did." Buffy said spitefully.  
  
  
  
"Oh how I so don't believe that." Dawn laughed.  
  
  
  
"Dawn, listen, you don't get it."  
  
  
  
"No, Buffy. You don't get it. He has given up so much for you. He has put aside his fangy evil ways for you. He looked after me for you. He left to save the world from an impending doom for you. He risked loosing your love, the love he had tried so hard to earn for so many year, he risked loosing that just so you could live. Just so your friends, who I know he is not to find of, would be happy." Dawn finished and looked at Buffy, trying to find some emotion in her face.  
  
  
  
Buffy slowly felt tears forming in her eyes. Dawn was right. Spike had to love her. They're love was something special and it couldn't be forgotten that easily.  
  
  
  
"I'm going to ask you again, Buffy. Is that what you want, to be 'just friends'?"  
  
  
  
Buffy looked up at her sister with tears in her eyes. "No. I wanna be with him, Dawn. So badly."  
  
  
  
Dawn smiled and hugged her sister. "Good."  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
The sun would be setting soon. Spike had been back for almost 24 hours and he hadn't seen anybody except for Buffy. He wanted to be with the rest of the Scooby gang. Sure, they weren't his friends, but they were the closest thing to friends that he had. He was almost positive Buffy hadn't told anyone that he was back, except maybe Dawn. He didn't know how to approach them, but he figured 'surprise! I'm no more dead than I used to be' wouldn't really work.  
  
  
  
Spike thought for many minutes after that. He looked over and realized that the sun was down. It was now or never. He figured they would be at the Magic Box considering that was the only place they really ever "hung out". Spike grabbed his duster off the back of his chair and left.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"Thank you. Please come back soon." Anya handed a customer a small bag and watched as she left the Magic Box.  
  
  
  
"Are we closed yet?" She asked.  
  
  
  
"Anya, I thought you liked suckering people into buying stuff. Or as you call it 'giving me money'." Willow said.  
  
  
  
"Well, I do. It's just, my feet hurt." Anya walked out from behind the counter and sat on Dander's lap.  
  
  
  
"There, all better." She said, smiling at Xander.  
  
  
  
"Much." Xander smiled back.  
  
  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes and finished stocking one of the shelves. "Anyway, yeah you're pretty much closed. You close early on Thursdays. Remember?" Dawn walked over towards the door to change the sign from 'Open' to 'Closed' when the door suddenly swung open.  
  
  
  
"Care to take in one more customer?"  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
It was 7:13 P.M. Buffy picked up her jacket and got ready to go. Anya closed the Magic Box early on Thursdays so the gang could have a weekly meeting that wasn't so one o'clock in the morning-ish.  
  
  
  
She hoped the rest of the gang hadn't heard about Spike already. She asked Dawn not to tell anyone and Dawn always kept her promises. She kinda wanted to sort things out with Spike before anyone found out about him being there. It would just make things easier.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Anya slid off of Xander's lap and stood up in shock. The rest of the group did the same. Xander was the first to speak.  
  
  
  
"What the hell?" was all he could say. "No, I'm sorry." Xander quickly slapped his forehead and rubbed his eyes. He blinked hard a few times and his eyes flew open quickly. "Nope, you're still Spike."  
  
  
  
"How did you . . . " Giles didn't have the words.  
  
  
  
"It's a long story, Watcher. And I will explain, I just . . . " Spike stopped when he spotted Dawn in the corner grinning wildly. Just like he had suspected. Buffy hadn't told anyone, except for Dawn.  
  
  
  
Dawn ran and hugged Spike with all her strength. Spike almost fell over when another body lunged at him from the side.  
  
  
  
"Bloody hell." Dawn let got of Spike and revealed Willow, her hands thrown around his neck, hugging him tightly.  
  
  
  
"What's gotten into you, Red?" Spike asked, confused.  
  
  
  
"Sorry. I just . . . I know this will make Buffy happy." She smiled. Dawn and Spike both grew silent and lowered their heads.  
  
  
  
"Right, uh, 'bout that. I need to speak with her. Is she uh . . . here?" He asked.  
  
  
  
"N-no, sorry. She should be here s-soon though." Tara explained.  
  
  
  
"Right. Well, I don't fancy sticking around here, seeing as how you're all doing, well . . . work. So I'll just hea-" Spike turned to leave but was stopped in his tracks by the petite blonde standing in from of him.  
  
  
  
Buffy smiled a bit at the expression on his face. "Can we talk?" She asked politely.  
  
  
  
She seemed happy. Everything about her was glowing. She seemed completely different from when he saw her the night before. Seeing her made him smiled and as an instinct he took her hand in his. She didn't pull away; as a matter of fact she tightened the grip which made Spike smile even wider.  
  
  
  
"Of course, pet. We can talk."  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Next chapter: Their conversation and some fluff!  
  
  
  
Reviews? Anybody? Please? (Aren't I pathetic?) 


	20. To Be Loved

To Be Loved  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No Buffy, no Spike, no nothing.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Spike gripped Buffy's hand as they walked into the training room. He held on tightly, like the world would end if he let go, which, living on a Hellmouth, could possibly happen. The Slayer and Vampire sat down, comfortable in each other's presence.  
  
  
  
"What's goin' on, Slayer?" Spike asked.  
  
  
  
"Spike," she said hesitantly, "don't call me that."  
  
  
  
"Alright, Buffy." He saw a smile creep across her face as he said her name. He, in turn, smiled.  
  
  
  
"Look, Spike, we've been through a lot together, and I mean a LOT. You are the most important person in my life right now. You've not only taken care of Dawn for me, and saved my life countless times, you've also loved me like nobody ever has. I-I just wanted to tell you that---"  
  
  
  
"Look, Buffy, I know what you are going to say."  
  
  
  
"No you don't. Spike I---"  
  
  
  
"Buffy, I'm sorry for leaving you. I know I said I never would and I am so sorry. You didn't deserve that. I made you think that I was like all the rest, but Buffy . . . I'm not. I have never loved anyone with such passion and I could neve---"  
  
  
  
"Spike?" Buffy interrupted. She positioned herself in front of him and placed her arms up around his neck. "Shut up." She whispered. She pulled him to her and kissed him with a full passion. She felt him return her kiss, equally full of passion and love. It wasn't like anything she had ever experienced before.  
  
  
  
It felt as if the room was spinning. Spike never wanted this moment to end. He grasped her waist and pulled her closer, the warmth of her body creating a wave of heat flowing through his. He moaned in disappointment as she pulled away, grasping for breath.  
  
  
  
When she regained her composure she lifted Spike's chin so his deep, piercing blue eyes met hers. She slowly began to speak.  
  
  
  
"Spike, I love you. I never stopped loving you. I-I know the way I acted might have given you some reason to believe . . . but I do. I love you." Her eyes never left his as she said it and he didn't say anything for quite some time.  
  
  
  
He lowered his head a bit and she felt her heart sink. She closed her eyes tightly and felt his cold lips press up against hers. His tongue rolled against her bottom lip and she parted her lips slightly to let him in. Their tongues danced together while hands moved around wildly. It didn't seem rough though; it was soft and gentle.  
  
  
  
She felt him move in closer so their bodies melted together. He ran his hands through her hair and down to her neck. He rubbed his index finger up and down her neck lightly, causing her to burst into a fit of giggles. They parted but they didn't go very far. Buffy gently rested her forehead against his and smiled. They stared into each other's eyes for quite some time; both lost in ecstasy.  
  
  
  
A few minutes later, Buffy found herself curled up in a ball on Spike's lap, his arms wrapped protectively around her.  
  
  
  
Spike kissed her hair gently and rested his chin on the top of her head.  
  
  
  
"I love you." He whispered. Buffy picked up Spike's hand and kissed it gently.  
  
  
  
"I know." She whispered back.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"Look at him." Buffy said. She was seated at a table at the Magic Box surrounded by books, her eyes locked on Spike's figure across the room. He was standing at the counter; his chin rested on his elbow and his left leg was slightly elevated, resting on a small step beneath him. He was talking to Giles about God knows what and all Buffy could do was to think-"God, he is so sexy."  
  
  
  
"Okay," Xander commented, "that goes on my list of the 'Top 10 Things I Never Want to Hear Again As Long As I am Breathing'."  
  
  
  
"Oh, did I say that out loud?" Buffy felt her cheeks grow red and she smiled a little. "Sorry. It's just . . . everything seems right again. Everything feels so new and safe. It's like starting all over again, just like the beginning of our relationship before he left, only better. This time I know . . . I everything is going to be okay. I mean he came back. He is the only one who ever came back. Even after the prophecy said he wouldn't-but he's here. I know it's gonna work this time." Buffy was grinning like an idiot after she finished talking.  
  
  
  
She looked up to find four different faces holding four different emotions. Willow was happy and grinning just as wide as Buffy, Tara was smiling a weak smile with a splash of dazed and a side of confused. Anya was staring at Buffy, her eyes were wide with a look that read 'you need to get a life', and Xander was staring at the ceiling his face crawling with confusion.  
  
  
  
"Xander?" Buffy asked.  
  
  
  
"What oh, uh I was just . . . that whole prophecy thing." Xander turned his head and look at Spike. "How'd ya do it, Spikey?" He said a tad condescendingly.  
  
  
  
Spike turned and faced the five that were sitting at the table. "Oh, well, like I was telling the Watcher I-" Spike stopped when he felt someone staring at him. He turned his head and caught Buffy looking him up and down. He cleared his throat and her head quickly jerked up. She didn't blush; instead she smiled at him and laughed a bit. Spike shook his head and smiled. He couldn't take his eyes off of her, though. She had that sort of power over him. He felt himself get lost in her smile and suddenly everyone seemed to disappear. It was just them, alone. He was torn from his thoughts at the sound of Xander clearing his throat. The two broke their gaze, and if it had been possible Spike would have been blushing.  
  
  
  
"Right. The watcher and I were 'avin a conversation."  
  
  
  
"Yeah, we got that Spike." Xander interrupted. Spike glared at him and began to speak again.  
  
  
  
"As I was saying. I went over the prophecy with him to point out what I had known all along. The prophecy said 'one shall be dead in the fight' not 'one shall die in the fight'." He finished speaking and was greeted by five confused faces.  
  
  
  
"Bloody hell. I'm already dead. 'One shall be dead in the fight', right? That's me. Dead. Fighting. I am a vampire and vampires are dead, so there you have your 'dead' part of the prophecy. I was fighting that Clan of Nancy or whatever; there is your 'fight'. So put it together and you have-"  
  
  
  
"'One shall be dead in the fight'. And you were already dead." Buffy spoke as she arose from her seat.  
  
  
  
"That's m'girl." Spike smiled as he watched her walk towards him.  
  
  
  
"Ooohhhhhhhh." Was all Xander said.  
  
  
  
"Well that was a mighty deceiving prophecy. Y'know they should really make those things clearer so we can avoid things like . . . this." Anya said as she waved her hand around the room.  
  
  
  
"You knew." Buffy whispered softly as she walked towards Spike. "B-before you left you knew. You knew that you were coming back. Y-you did know, right?" She asked Spike.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, I knew." He held out his hands to her, but she didn't take. She just stood there, her eyes locked on him. Spike looked at her hard and then realized that she wasn't happy. Her eyes were wide with fear, anger, betrayal.  
  
  
  
"Buffy, I didn't---"  
  
  
  
"How could you not tell me?" She asked her voice almost at a shout.  
  
  
  
"I-I didn't want you to worry. I knew you would. I couldn't have you sitting at home worrying whether I was coming back at that very second or in a week. I couldn't stand the thought of you shutting yourself out, breaking away from everybody else, because Buffy . . . I know you. I know that that is what you would do. You would act happy and smile every now and then, puttin' on a show for your Scooby pals. But inside you would worry and you would keep it all to yourself. And everyday, more and more you would become distant from the people that need you. I couldn't do that to you, or your mates for that matter." Spike paused for a second and looked at the people around him. "Besides, what if I tripped and fell on a twig." He said with a weak smile.  
  
  
  
"So, instead of letting me 'break away from the people that need me' you let me think you were dead!?" She shouted, tears forming in her eyes.  
  
  
  
"Yeah. S'what I did. But Buffy, you know I did that for you, don't you? That's not what your upset about." He took her hands and pulled her close to him. "C'mon, pet. Talk to me."  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Yeah, I know I promised fluff and I tried my best for now. It wasn't exactly a whole lot, but it is a little. And that is good, right? Next chapter there should hopefully be more fluff, so keep your fingers crossed. Also, I know that is a weird place to end a chapter, but what I had planned next would make this chapter really long, so I decided stop it there.  
  
  
  
Oh, and I know in last chapter I accidentally put "Dander" instead of "Xander". Oops.  
  
  
  
Okay! Reviews, anyone? Feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks to all of you who have reviewed so far! You are wonderful! 


	21. Here With You

Here with You  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Neither of them had said anything for several minutes and everyone who had previously been in the room had cleared out slowly. He just stood; his chin rested on her head, as she cried. Her breaths were deep and shaky and it was unbearable knowing he had been the one to cause this.  
  
  
  
"Buffy." He whispered. "C'mon, pet. Talk to me." The only reply was her muffling something into his shirt.  
  
  
  
Spike took his hand and cupped her chin, lifting her head so their eyes met. "Talk to me." He whispered while wiping away her tears from under her eyes. She lowered her eyes a bit, reluctant to speak, but looked up at him again as she felt his cool lips press against her forehead.  
  
  
  
"I wanted to hate you." She whispered her voice still a bit shaky. He was taken back a bit by her words, but never let go of her. He wrapped his arms around her waist more tightly, to let her know he understood and to continue.  
  
  
  
"I so badly wanted to hate you. I needed to hate you. In the beginning, after you left, I tried to tell myself that I hated you. That I never loved you. I couldn't, though. And it hurt, so bad. Y-you left me, Spike. You promised you never would. And I couldn't help to think that it was my fault, that I did something wrong. I wanted to hate you for making me feel that way. But then I saw you, in dreams and you told me . . . told me that I shouldn't blame myself. That no one was to blame. I knew you were right, God I knew it. "  
  
  
  
She paused for a few minutes and took in a few deep breaths. Spike still held her gently and lightly pushed a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.  
  
  
  
"You left again, though." She continued. "In my dreams. And I-I felt that you were really gone Spike. Like, poof . . . gone. It killed me and it pained me and the only thing I could do to make it easier was try to hate you." She paused again, not really wanting to go on. She knew she must have sounded like an idiot to him, pathetic even. She wished she could take back everything she had just said to him. His thumb rubbed her arms slightly and she smiled.  
  
  
  
"Then you came back, just like you promised. You're the only one who ever came back, y'know. Everything happened so fast after that, I didn't really have time to hate you. I don't know," she said with a slight laugh, "I guess, after promising to myself that I would hate you, I just kinda wanted to be mad at you. It's completely insane, I know."  
  
  
  
"It's not insane, luv. I know you, Buffy. I knew you would be upset, or mad. I also knew you wouldn't tell me right away. I'm glad you did, pet." Spike told her.  
  
  
  
"But it's ridiculous, Spike. Me wanting to hate you so I make this whole 'I knew there was a loophole in the prophecy' thing sound like some evil sin. I'm insane Spike, admit it." She said to him with a smile.  
  
  
  
"Maybe you are, a little. But of course that is why I love you. As a matter of fact, it makes me love you even more." He said softly, and then placed a soft kiss on her lips. They stood there for a moment, more content than either of them had ever been. It was weird, actually. They had just had this big emotional, confession of sorts and now they were so unbelievably happy with each other. So calm, and quiet.  
  
  
  
"Those tears went away quick, luv." Spike said out of the blue.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, they were just stress tears. Needed to work out some of my inner turmoil."  
  
  
  
"Well, next time, could you possibly find a way to worn me ahead of time. At least then I'll be able to get some tissues so you can wipe your slobber and snot somewhere other than my shirt." He said playfully.  
  
  
  
"Hey!" Buffy said defensively.  
  
  
  
"Oh it's cute snot." He said, wrapping one arm around her waist and walking towards the door of the Magic Box.  
  
  
  
"And what about my slobber?" The blonde asked as they exited the shop.  
  
  
  
"Your slobber is a much different story." He said before shutting the door behind them.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"You think they're okay?" Dawn asked, sitting nervously on her couch.  
  
  
  
"Well, either they've worked out their issues and are doing things I do not want to know about or mention, or one of them has beaten the other to a bloody pulp." Xander commented.  
  
  
  
"Nice. Very reassuring." Anya said while patting Xander's arm. Xander smiled up at his wife as the door to the Summer's house opened slowly.  
  
  
  
Dawn grinned as Buffy and Spike walked in together wrapped in each other's arms.  
  
  
  
"So I'm guessing, by the body language, that you guys are okay?" Dawn asked anxiously.  
  
  
  
"Yes, Dawn. We're fine. It was just me and my stress wreaking havoc on poor Spike here." Buffy said as she looked into her lover's ice blue eyes.  
  
  
  
Dawn squealed with delight at the news. "Okay, well, I will be upstairs and Xander and Anya will leave so you two can be alone."  
  
  
  
Dawn moved quickly from the couch to the stairs, stopping on the way to give Spike a hug.  
  
  
  
"I'm really glad you're back." She said. He squeezed her tightly, showing that he felt the same.  
  
  
  
Xander and Anya left quickly as well, both knowing that Spike and Buffy needed their time alone.  
  
  
  
"So, alone again." Buffy grinned at Spike who still had his arms wrapped protectively around her.  
  
  
  
"Right, pet. But I better be going." Spike said as he slowly began to loosen himself from her comfortable embrace.  
  
  
  
"Why?" Buffy asked, tightening her grip.  
  
  
  
"I just figured you'd wanna be alone, s'all luv."  
  
  
  
Buffy walked over to the sofa, pulling Spike along with her. She plopped down and forced Spike next to her. She positioned herself so her head was on Spike's lap and the rest of her body was sprawled out over the sofa.  
  
  
  
"Now, why would I want to be alone when I could be with you?" She said as she snuggled deeper into his lap.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Thank you guys for waiting so long for this chapter. It took a while to get here, I know. But believe me, there were conditions. But thank you so much and thank you for all the reviews! Please keep them coming! 


	22. Morning and Missing You

Morning and Missing You  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No Buffy, no Spike, no nothing.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Buffy slowly woke to the sweet sound of silence. The house was still and quiet and her undead boyfriend lay next to her, not breathing. This was perfect. This was how she wanted it to be every morning.  
  
  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
  
  
With the exception of the screaming sister, this is how she wanted it to be every morning.  
  
  
  
"Buffy!" Dawn yelled again from the top of the stairs. Buffy just rolled her eyes and placed he head back in Spike's lap. She wanted to see how long Dawn would continue before realizing that she wasn't going to move.  
  
  
  
"Buffy!" It was more of a weak whine this time and Buffy began to feel guilty. She could just see the puppy dog eyes and pouty lip that got her every time.  
  
  
  
"Buffy." Spike whispered softly into her ear. She looked up and smiled at the vampire lying next to her.  
  
  
  
"Mornin' sleep head." Buffy whispered before giving him a kiss.  
  
  
  
"Nibblet's callin' you." He said softly. "I think you should go see what she wants."  
  
  
  
Buffy rolled over so she was facing him. She lazily drew circles with her finger on his chest and asked in an innocent voice "Do I have to? Cause there are more important things I'd rather be doing."  
  
  
  
"Like what?' He asked more loudly this time, for now he was interested.  
  
  
  
"Like this." She said softly as she pressed her lips to his. She parted from him and he just stared at her. She started back and bit her lower lip almost as if she was embarrassed. She drew back from him a bit but then he grabbed the back of her head and crushed his lips on hers.  
  
  
  
Spike smiled as their tongues battled and his hands danced around her body as hers did his. Spike slowly ran his finger along her spine and she moaned a little as his other hand came up her thigh.  
  
  
  
Buffy moved into a position where she was straddling Spike and she placed her hands on both sides of his face.  
  
  
  
"I love you." She whispered. Spike's eyes lit up as if he had never heard her say those words before and he flipped her over so she was under him. Buffy laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck.  
  
  
  
"Say it again." He said wearing a grin on his face.  
  
  
  
"I love you." She said, louder this time. "More than ever." She added quietly after nibbling his ear a bit.  
  
  
  
"M-hmm." Spike said almost in a seductive way. He slowly began to unbutton her shirt and she wrapped her legs around his waist.  
  
  
  
"Spike." She moaned a bit. "I want you."  
  
  
  
"I know. I want you." He said quietly.  
  
  
  
"No," she managed between kissed and moans from both her and Spike. "I- I want you to st---"  
  
"Buffy!!" Dawn shouted.  
  
  
  
Buffy and Spike both sighed in annoyance and fell limp, Spike's body loosely lying on hers.  
  
  
  
"God!" Buffy yelled in annoyance. "I swear I am going to strangle her one of these days."  
  
  
  
"S'alright, luv. Go see what she wants." He said while sitting up and buckling his pants.  
  
  
  
"No. It's not all right. I mean, you've been home for what? A week and some? And we still haven't, well . . . y'know with the . . . we haven't---"  
  
  
  
"I know, pet. It's okay. I have you for the rest of my life." He said with a smile on his face.  
  
  
  
"Well aren't we the confident one." She laughed.  
  
  
  
"Well, it's obvious you're nuts about me. And as long as you don't leave and I don't leave . . . "  
  
  
  
" . . . then we'll be together." Buffy finished his sentence for him before heading towards the stairs. There, she found Dawn wrapped in a towel her hair soaked.  
  
  
  
"What are you doing? And what do you want?" Buffy asked annoyed.  
  
  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I interrupt your extremely rousing game of tonsil hockey with your undead Billy Idol wannabe boyfriend?" Dawn asked.  
  
  
  
"No." Buffy said defensively after crossing her arms.  
  
  
  
"Whatever. Look, I can't find the shampoo." Dawn said.  
  
  
  
"You interrupted my extremely rousing game of tonsil hockey with my undead Billy Idol wanna boyfriend for that!?" Buffy shouted.  
  
  
  
"Ha! I knew it." Dawn laughed.  
  
  
  
"Under. The. Sink." Buffy said slowly. "Now go. You're dripping. Oh, and it's not Billy Idol," she leaned a bit forward and lowered her voice, "It's Billy Joel."  
  
  
  
"Hey!" Spike shouted from the other room.  
  
  
  
"Go, go." Buffy waved her arm at Dawn and Dawn quickly left.  
  
  
  
"You promised." Spike said as he came up next to Buffy, shock and horror written across his face.  
  
  
  
"Oh calm down." She said teasingly. "She already knows. She used to listen to your CD's while you were gone."  
  
  
  
"Bloody just great." He muttered under his breath.  
  
  
  
"Oh, it's no big deal. You've been caught with more embarrassing things. Remember the Buffy Bot?" Buffy asked.  
  
  
  
"Trying to forget it." He replied. "Look, I better shove off. Got some work that needs to get done."  
  
  
  
"O-oh." Buffy said, trying to hide her disappointment.  
  
  
  
"I can stay if you want?" Spike asked.  
  
  
  
"No, it's okay. You've been here for almost two days so just go back to your crypt. Ill, uh, I'll see you later."  
  
  
  
"You sure, pet." He asked while he cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand.  
  
  
  
"Yes." She kissed him tenderly and pushed him away from her slightly. "Now go before Mr. Pointy gets a little frisky."  
  
  
  
"Ooooh. Scary." He said sarcastically. He threw his duster over his head, opened the door and left.  
  
  
  
And he was gone. And she was alone, for now at least. She missed him already, kinda like one of those lovesick girls, from the movies, that can only live if they have a boyfriend. Ever since he had come back she couldn't bear to be away from him. Even for that first week when she had been pretending to be mad, she still needed him. He was too far away. She would have to do something about that, but for now she would have to settle for later.  
  
  
  
Later couldn't come soon enough.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Sorry for the wait. Hey, it wasn't as long a wait as last time. I'm getting better at timing. Maybe? No? Okay.  
  
Review! Please! Was the chapter okay? I kinda thought it was a little out of character for some Spike stuff. 


	23. Surprises

Suprises  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No Buffy, no Spike, no nothing.  
  
  
  
A/N: I am so sorry this took so long. I know I promised that it would be up soon but we had a family emergency of sorts and I just didn't have the energy and encouragement to work on it. But it is here now so thank you all for being so patient. I love you guys! Also, this doesn't take place right after last chapter. It takes place a few weeks later. Plus (aren't I so annoying) I really have no clue when Dawn's birthday is, but I am making it in August. She is turning seventeen cause in season five she was fourteen, season six she was fifteen, then Spike was gone for a year so when he came back she was sixteen and so now she is turning seventeen, right? Oh who cares! It's my fic I'll do whatever I want! ;)  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"You didn't have to do this." Buffy said as she looked at the gift in her hand. "She's not even your sister."  
  
  
  
"Yeah, but she's yours. And you are the most important thing in my life, which makes your family important to me too." Spike said.  
  
  
  
"Well if you put it that way . . . " She smiled and pulled him into a deep kiss.  
  
  
  
Dawn entered the hallway and smiled at the sight of Buffy and her peroxide boyfriend. She stood in the doorway waiting for them to let up, but they never did. She didn't know why she had expected them to stop on her account. Those two were more in love than anybody she had ever seen.  
  
  
  
She cleared her throat and Buffy and Spike parted and turned their heads towards Dawn. Dawn smiled and then smiled ever wider when she saw the present in Buffy's hand.  
  
  
  
"Oh, present." She said.  
  
  
  
"Not yet." Buffy replied as she gripped the present tighter.  
  
  
  
Dawn frowned. "Whatever. It's not like you ever get me good presents anyway."  
  
"Hey!" Buffy squealed.  
  
  
  
"Well, actually, that present is from me," Spike said to Dawn. He then turned to Buffy and quickly added, "and she's right, pet."  
  
  
  
Buffy opened her mouth to protest but was cut off by Dawn.  
  
  
  
"Spike, you didn't have to do this. I mean, I'm not even your sister. Just because you are doing Buffy doesn't mean you have to get me a present."  
  
  
  
"That's exactly what I said." Buffy smiled, but received furrowed brows from both Spike and Dawn. "Oh, well, without the 'doing Buffy' part. Which, by the way . . . very inappropriate. I would scold you . . . but I'm too happy to scold." She said looking up at Spike. Spike smiled back and wrapped his arm around her waist.  
  
  
  
"Look, I didn't get you the present just because I'm doing Buffy." Spike looked down at Buffy who shot him a glare. He smiled and continued. "You're important to me, Bit. You're almost like a sister. And you were the only on who accepted me way back when." He said.  
  
  
  
"Thank you, Spike." Dawn said, practically glowing. She walked up to Spike and hugged him tightly.  
  
  
  
"Happy birthday, Nibblet." Dawn smiled at him, walked towards the door, and left to go meet her friends.  
  
  
  
"Have fun!" Buffy called after her.  
  
  
  
"You are amazing." Buffy turned and told Spike.  
  
  
  
"I know." He said.  
  
  
  
"How is it I was able to find a guy like you?" She asked, wrapping her arms around his neck.  
  
  
  
"Well, technically I found you and then lured you in with my sensitivity and charm. Not to mention my good looks and undying love for you." He added with a grin.  
  
  
  
"Mmm, I like the undying love part." She said softly her lips only millimeters away from his. She lingered there; teasing him while she seductively licked her lips. She looked into Spike's eyes and she could see him. Every part of him. His vulnerability, his love for her, desire, passion. She could see him, not his demon. She nibbled on his bottom lip and pulled back. Again she lingered there, waiting for him.  
  
  
  
She moved her lips closer and whispered, "I love you."  
  
  
  
Her warm breath danced over his lips and he crushed his own on top of hers. He ran his hands through her hair as her fingers played with the buckle of his belt. Buffy moaned as Spike explored underneath her shirt. She giggled as he slammed her up against the banister and she pushed his coat off of his shoulders. She began to breathe heavily as his kisses moved from her neck down to her chest as he was unbuttoning her shirt.  
  
  
  
Buffy suddenly pushed Spike off of her sending him flying into the living room and landing on his back. Buffy ran towards the door and locked it quickly. Then she slowly walked over towards Spike and watched as his face changed to one of confusion to one of pleasure as she straddled him.  
  
  
  
"It's about time we were alone." Buffy said seductively. Spike grabbed her arms and flipped her over onto her back. She breathed heavily underneath him and he smirked at her.  
  
  
  
"I know the feeling." And with that he crushed his lips on top of hers once more.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"Buffy?" Willow called as she entered the Summer's home.  
  
  
  
"Buffy I brought your key for Sp---" Willow stopped in her tracks as she looked around the house. The sofa cushions we sprawled around the room, lamps were broken, some candles and books were strewn around the room. It was a mess. Willow immediately thought trouble. Seeing as how this was Sunndayle, full of evil and such, and seeing how Buffy was the Slayer . . . what else was there to think?  
  
  
  
Willow spotted Spike's duster in a ball next to the banister, which had a few small cracks in it. Willow's fear subsided as she heard moans and giggles coming from upstairs. This had only been the aftermath of the passion of the world's strangest and most ironic couple. It was sweet, but kinda gross at the same time.  
  
  
  
"Note to self," Willow said outloud, "clean and sterilize the Summer's home before Dawn gets home," she walked into the kitchen and then paused, "but after a snack."  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Buffy and Spike lay in bed, their sweaty bodies entangled with one another's.  
  
  
  
"Mmmm." Buffy sighed as she snuggled up closer to Spike, kissing then burrying her head in his chest. "We've got to do that more often." She mummbled.  
  
  
  
"Mm-hmm." Spike replied, tightening his grip around her waist.  
  
  
  
"I think you wore me out." She said.  
  
  
  
"You think?" He asked.  
  
  
  
"Well, I've never really been worn out before, so that is saying something for you." She said, a huge smile plastered across her face.  
  
  
  
Spike laughed and ran his fingers through her hair.  
  
  
  
"Not one." He said softly.  
  
  
  
"What? Not one what?" Buffy asked.  
  
  
  
"Not one knot in your hair. You'd think after all of that you'd at least have one knot." Spike said, disappointedly.  
  
  
  
She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe it's because of my new conditioner."  
  
  
  
"Or maybe it's because you are just that perfect." He said to her. She smiled at him and kissed him tenderly.  
  
  
  
"Oh god," she groaned, "I have to get dressed, but I don't wanna leave." She said, stroking his cheek with her thumb. Spike didn't say anything for he didn't want her to leave either, but she had too. So he just let her decide.  
  
  
  
"Ugh, phooey." She said while pushing herself up and out of bed. She looked back at Spike who looked so adorable laying there, his head propped up on his elbow. She almost blushed as his eyes scanned her body. She picked her robe off the floor and lazily wrapped it around herself.  
  
  
  
"I'll be back." She sighed and she moved out of the room. She moved, she didn't walk. It seemed almost a combination of prancing and floating. He had only seen her move like that once, which was after they had first kissed. Even though he had jumped to conclusions and then dismissed her, she still moved with such beauty.  
  
  
  
God he loved her.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"Dawn?" Buffy asked as she came down the stairs a few minutes after getting dressed.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, it's me. Here's a note from Willow." Dawn handed her the note.  
  
  
  
"Willow? I didn't hear her come in. Huh. Must have been while Spike and I were . . . uh . . . nevermind." She quickly grabbed the note from Dawn.  
  
  
  
---Buffy,  
  
I cleaned the house a bit for you. No need to thank me. From the looks of things I am guessing you had fun. The key for Spike is underneath this note.  
  
Love, Willow---  
  
  
  
"Key? Key, key, key." Buffy repeated as she searched through the mail, which Dawn had thrown on top of Willow's note.  
  
  
  
"Key." Dawn stated as she held the key in her hand. "What is it for?" She asked.  
  
  
  
Buffy grabbed the key, smiled, and put it in her pocket. "Spike." She simply stated.  
  
  
  
"What did you buy him a car or something?" Dawn asked.  
  
  
  
"Look, just think of it as a surprise birthday gift for you. But, I need you to go to Spike's crypt and pick up some things."  
  
  
  
"Oh, right. A surprise present for me, but I am the one getting the supplies. Sneaky." She said.  
  
  
  
"Dawn." Buffy said frustrated.  
  
  
  
"Alright, I'll get it. What do you need?" Dawn asked.  
  
  
  
"Thank you." Buffy said before telling Dawn exactly what she wanted.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
The next chapter will be up soon, I promise. I have already started working on it so no need to worry. Thanks again for being so patient and thank you for all of your reviews! Keep them coming! They mean the world to me! 


	24. Welcome Home, Spike

Welcome Home, Spike  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No Buffy, no Spike, no nothing.  
  
  
  
****  
  
  
  
"Spike." Buffy whispered into his ear. "Spike, time to wake up." She whispered again. Nothing. Buffy leaned over, lifted his head and passionately began to kiss him.  
  
  
  
Spike slowly wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her down towards him. He responded and deepened the kiss. Buffy parted soon for lack of oxygen.  
  
  
  
"Best wake up call ever, luv." Spike grinned.  
  
  
  
"Your welcome." Buffy smiled.  
  
  
  
"What time is it?" He asked.  
  
  
  
"Eight-thirty. We're going to the Bronze at nine so get up and get ready." She told Spike.  
  
  
  
"The Bronze? What for?" Spike asked.  
  
  
  
"Dawn's big birthday bash. Gonna be fun." She said.  
  
  
  
"You sure about that, luv?" He asked, sarcastically.  
  
  
  
"Honestly, no." She said with a laugh. "But she is my sister. Now get dressed." She told him before giving him a quick kiss and exiting the room.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
It was a nice night. Dawn was happy, dancing, surrounded by all her friends and her family. Xander was there with Anya, Willow with Tara, and Buffy safely snuggled in Spike's lap. Plus, no vamps. The night was perfect.  
  
  
  
"Buff?"  
  
  
  
Buffy turned to face Xander, "Yeah?"  
  
  
  
"Where's Giles?" Xander asked.  
  
  
  
"Oh, well he stopped by the house this afternoon to wish Dawn a happy birthday and to tell us he wasn't gonna make it tonight. He said he had loads of work to do, but I just think he doesn't feel like being the only one here who was alive when the Beatles were still together." Buffy finished.  
  
  
  
"I was alive then." Spike said proudly.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, but you don't count." Buffy said with a smile.  
  
  
  
"And why not?" Spike asked.  
  
  
  
"Cause, you were all with the evil. You probably didn't even like the Beatles." Buffy told him.  
  
  
  
"I did too." He said defensively.  
  
  
  
"Wow, Billy Joel and the Beatles. You really are the big bad." Buffy said with a smirk.  
  
  
  
"And don't you forget it." Spike said looking around at everybody at the table.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"Feel like dancin'?" Xander asked Anya.  
  
  
  
"Sure, why not." Anya said as she hoped out of her chair.  
  
  
  
"You guys wanna come with?" Xander asked Willow, Tara, Buffy, and Spike.  
  
  
  
"Nah. I think I'll sit this one out. It's late, kinda tired." Buffy told Xander.  
  
  
  
"Me too." Willow said.  
  
  
  
"Well, I feel like dancing." Tara said.  
  
  
  
"I'll go with you, pet." Spike said. He gently pushed Buffy off his lap and took Tara's hand.  
  
  
  
Willow leaned over and commented to Buffy, "There are two people you rarely ever see together."  
  
  
  
"Yeah," Buffy astonishly replied "and they're dancing. Spike never dances with me." Buffy complained.  
  
  
  
"Well, theirs is a forbidden love." Willow sarcastically said. Buffy laughed and turned towards Willow.  
  
  
  
"Thanks for cleanin' the house today. You know you didn't have to." Buffy said.  
  
  
  
"It was no problem. Kinda used a little magic to move it along a bit faster." Willow smiled. "You guys looked like you had some fun." She grinned.  
  
  
  
Buffy immediately blushed but was unable to stop a smile from creeping across your face. "Yeah. I-I don't know what came over me. It was just, he was there and I was there and we were there. It was just us, together and I just---" Buffy moved her eyes from the dance floor to Willow. "Did you ever realize just how lucky we are? I mean we have this love and even though we found it in such weird, unthinkable places it's just so amazing. I never thought this would happen. I thought, by now, I would be dead-well I mean, I was dead, but . . . nevermind. Just, did you ever think this would happen?" Buffy asked.  
  
  
  
"Yes, Buffy. I knew you were going to fall in love with a soulless vampire, Xander was going to marry and ex-demon, and I was going to become a lesbian witch and fall in love with another lesbian witch." Willow said sarcastically.  
  
  
  
"No, well, yes but no. That's not what I mean . . . kinda. Did you ever imagine us here, alive, together with each other and happy? Plus, on top of that . . . we're in love. I mean, for living on a hellmouth that's-"  
  
  
  
"Pretty damn lucky." Willow chimed in.  
  
  
  
"Yeah," Buffy said with a smile, "luck . . . or fate. Take your pick." She said, moving her eyes back to the dance floor where Spike was . . . gone.  
  
  
  
"W-where's---" Buffy smiled as she felt his cold hand slip into hers.  
  
  
  
"May I have this dance?" Spike asked.  
  
  
  
"Lame," Buffy spoke, "but yeah." She got out of her seat and looked back at Willow who was being asked the same question by Tara.  
  
  
  
Once on the dance floor, Spike placed on arm on her waist and the other in her hand. Buffy placed her right arms on Spike's shoulder and the two gently swayed to the mellow tune.  
  
  
  
"You two looked pretty comfy out there." Buffy said.  
  
  
  
Spike thought for a minute until he realized she was talking about Tara. "Jealous, pet?" He asked, a smirk crossing his face. Buffy just looked up at him, her face soft but her eyebrows raised.  
  
  
  
"Don't worry, luv. She's not really my type." He told her. "Besides, I don't think I'd be happy with any other woman. This is what I've wanted for three years, pet. And now that I have you I am one hundred percent devoted to you. Trust me, I am never leaving. You are my life."  
  
  
  
Buffy brushed away the tears that were beginning to form behind her eyes. How could she not have seen him before? The way she treated him a few years back will haunt her for the rest of her life. He loved her and she drilled him into the ground with insults and dismissals. Staking him would have, most likely, been less painful for him. Yet, he still continued to help. Even when he didn't have her he was one hundred percent devoted to her.  
  
  
  
Buffy freed her hand from Spike's and wrapped both arms around his neck. She felt his free hand move around her waist and pull her into him. Buffy placed her head on Spike's shoulder and closed her eyes.  
  
  
  
"And you're mine." She whispered so lightly that no one, without vampiric hearing, would be able to hear her. Lucky for Spike . . .  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"Is Dawn here?" Spike asked as they both entered the Summer's residence.  
  
  
  
"Umm . . . no. She left the Bronze early to go with her friends." Buffy told him.  
  
  
  
"That explains why I never really saw her after midnight." Spike said.  
  
  
  
"Sure does." Buffy replied. For some reason things seemed awkward for a moment. They didn't know what to do or where to go. It was two in the morning and neither of them were tired, not really.  
  
  
  
"Come, sit." Buffy said, taking his hand and leading him to the sofa. They both sat, their fingers laced together. Buffy rested her head on Spike's shoulder.  
  
  
  
"When did you clean this place?" Spike asked, noticing the neatness of the room.  
  
  
  
"Willow used some of her almighty powerful powers to make it spick and span." Buffy informed him.  
  
  
  
"Got it." He said. They sat there, comfortable for a few minutes until Spike let go of Buffy's hand and walked toward the door.  
  
  
  
"Uh, w-where are you going?" Buffy asked, obviously disappointed.  
  
  
  
"Home, pet." Spike said.  
  
  
  
A huge grin crept over Buffy's face, "You already are home." She said.  
  
  
  
"What?" Spike asked, confused.  
  
  
  
Buffy grabbed Spike's hand and pulled him up the stairs with her, "Come with me." She said.  
  
  
  
Once upstairs Buffy took Spike into the bathroom. "Look!" She said proudly.  
  
  
  
"It's a bathroom." He said flatly.  
  
  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes, "Yeah, but look." She said pointing to his snoopy toothbrush that was placed on top of the sink in one of those cups with numerous holes to place numerous toothbrushes.  
  
  
  
"I was wonderin' where that ran off to." Spike said.  
  
  
  
"Well, now you know." She said quickly. "Here, come." She pulled him into Willow's old room and he stood in shock. The bed was dressed in his sheets and pillows and a few dresser drawers were open revealing his clothes.  
  
  
  
"I figured since Willow and Tara were gone that they wouldn't be needing it. And it would be a shame to let such a big bed go to waste. Our big bed." Buffy said.  
  
  
  
"Buffy . . ." Spike started.  
  
  
  
"Here, I got you a present." Buffy said, pulling two boxes from under 'their' bed. One was a small box and the other was a large long box. Being Spike he went for the larger on first.  
  
  
  
"Tire Pump 2000!" He said.  
  
  
  
"Yeah. I, uh, ordered it when you were gone. I was kinda something for me to hold on to. It kinda made me think that if you didn't come back for me, you would come back for it." She said, lowering her head.  
  
  
  
"Buffy, I am so sorry." He said, pulling her into a hug.  
  
  
  
"No, it's fine." She said pushing him away and handing him the smaller box. She wrapped her arms around his waist as he opened the it.  
  
  
  
Spike gently lifted the top of the box and inside was a key. He looked over at Buffy who was smiling up at him.  
  
  
  
"It's a key . . . to the house. To our house." Buffy said. Spike stood, amazed. Nothing could have been more perfect.  
  
  
  
"Our house." He repeated. Buffy moved her arms from his waist to both sides of his face. She kissed him, soft and tender but passionate at the same time.  
  
  
  
"Welcome home, Spike." She whispered.  
  
  
  
And home it was. This is where he belongs. His bed, his home, his Buffy.  
  
  
  
THE END (maybe . . . I'm thinking epilogue)  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Tell me what you think! I may write an epilogue cause I already have and idea for one. If you guys want me to wrote one I will, but if not then I won't. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with the story and reviewed and been patient and all of that! I LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!  
  
Thank you for making my first fic fabulous! Thank you!!!! 


	25. Epilogue:For You

Epilogue: For You  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Sadly, nothing is mine.  
  
  
  
AN: OH GOD! I am so unbelievably sorry. I know this took an extremely long time to get out, but I wanted to put out a holiday chapter of sorts. I was going to put out a Christmas one, but we were at my grandmothers and her internet is awful and her computer just randomly shuts down so it would have really been frustrating. But I guess it was frustrating for you to wait then, huh? Anyway, this is kinda a different sort of epilogue. It is 2004 (two years after they got back together from when he came back . . .I think. Just go with it.) and Buffy is looking *back* on the last year or so. A tad fluffy. Kinda a song fic/chapter thing. I've never done one before and I plan on never doing one again. (  
  
I just would like to thank all of you for being so patient and so kind in all your reviews! Thank you all so much! I hope you had a wonderful holiday and I hope you have a great New Year!  
  
Oh, the song is "For You" by John Denver. Hehe, I got it from one of Jamie Sale and David Pelletier's exhibition programs.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
//Just a look in your eyes again  
  
Just to lay in your arms  
  
Just to be the first one always there for you//  
  
Buffy slowly tinkered with the bleach blonde hair of the vampire whose head lay gently in her lap. Only white lights tangled with garland and the glow of the Christmas illuminated their home. She used to dream of a day like this. The man she loved curled up with her on her couch after a long holiday of fighting evil, and everyone she loved . . . happy.  
  
// Just to live in your laughter  
  
Just to sing in your heart  
  
Just to be every one of your dreams come true //  
  
Xander and Anya were happily married for 3 and ½ years now. They had a daughter, Emily Jane, who was, no doubt, their pride and joy. She had her father's dark chocolate hair that curled at the ends and her mother's eyes. She shared Anya's sense of pride and Xander's sense of humor. She knew about demons, vampires, and deep dark evil and she didn't care. Nothing seemed to scare her and to be honest, Buffy had no idea where that came from. One day, of course, Anya and Xander would have to fill little Emily in on her mother's past life, Buffy's status as the the Slayer not that she is just Strong Aunt Buffy, and the identity of her Uncle William . . . but that could wait.  
  
// Just to sit by your window  
  
Just to touch in the night  
  
Just to offer a prayer each day for you  
  
Just to long for your kisses  
  
Just to dream of your sighs  
  
Just to know that I'd give my life for you //  
  
Willow and Tara were still growing strong. They lived in a small, but comfortable, house just near the old Sunnydale High. It seems they are more in love now then ever before. That could possibly have something to do with the talk of engagement. Miss Kitty Fantastico is also going strong. Having a litter of kittens she is the happiest cat this side of the hellmouth.  
  
  
  
// For you for the rest of my life  
  
For you all the best of my life  
  
For you alone, only for you //  
  
Dawn got in to James Madison University, and she was thrilled. It was just the type of school she wanted to go to. Small, a place where you weren't just a number. Buffy hadn't exactly been thrilled by this, at first, but was now seeing that it was for the best. At least she is going to college. Dawn is also currently dating, much to Buffy's chagrin, a junior at JMU. He's a nice boy, smart, funny, and clean minded, but never the less Buffy had trouble approving . . . and so did Spike. Spike had become a brother to Dawn over the past year or so. He paid for most of her college education and looked out for her. Dawn loved him so much, but not nearly as much as Buffy did.  
  
  
  
// Just to wake up each morning  
  
Just to you by my side  
  
Just to know that you're never really far away//  
  
Spike was, undoubtedly, the happiest. On March 10th, 2004 it will be a year since he and Buffy wed. He loved her more now than ever and she loved him back, more than ever. She assured him of that everyday. But what really makes him beam is an event that happened a few months back. Angel had arrived in Sunnydale on August 7th, after receiving information from a prophecy that said 'the slayer and the vampire she loves will conceive, a child . . . pure human, on the twelfth day of the eighth month'. Angel seemed happy at the news, but scared that he might lose his soul. Now Buffy, being the loving person she is, decided to let Spike give Angel the good news. The only thing greater than the look on Angel's face when he heard they were married were the words that came out of Buffy's mouth right after.  
  
  
  
---"I love him, Angel. Please don't try to tell me otherwise. This isn't some . . . some ploy to avert an apocalypse, or a spell or anything of the sort. He understands me, he accepts me. The Slayer, the woman, the scared little girl inside. He understands all of it. He knows me inside, more so than I know myself. He doesn't try to control me to keep me safe, because he knows I can do that on my own. He completes me. Everything I need, want, and love he has. I love him with my whole heart even the part that . . . that used to love you. This," Buffy motioned with her hands between her and Spike, "what we have is amazing. It is the biggest love I have ever felt. With you Angel, God it was all hurt. Tears, anger, fear. We were both fragile and . . . listen. I could stand here and give you a million excuses why I married Spike . . . why he married me. But what other reason is there than the fact that I love him, trust him, and need him? There is nothing more important than that." An awkward moment went by and Buffy took a deep breath. "I love you Angel. I do. But I'm not *in* love with you. I don't need you anymore. Thank you for coming but . . . but please leave."---  
  
// Just a reason for living  
  
Just to say I adore  
  
Just to know that you're here in my heart to stay //  
  
Spike knew it had been hard for her to say, but he knew that she loved him now. So he was happy, content.  
  
  
  
And Buffy, well she was on cloud nine. Her life was in place now. She knew what she had, what she wanted, and what she needed to do. All thanks to Spike. He was her compass.  
  
  
  
// For you for the rest of my life  
  
For you all the best of my life  
  
For you alone, only for you //  
  
Buffy was jolted out of her thoughts by the clock's soft, but persistent, dinging. And from the way Spike stirred in her lap he wasn't thrilled by it either.  
  
  
  
She lowered her lips to his ear and whispered.  
  
  
  
"Happy New Year." Her breath must have tickled his ear because he squirmed a little before groggily replying.  
  
  
  
"Yeah. Happy New Year. Now we can all start writing '04 on our papers instead of '03." He said. "Woo-hoo." He added dryly before rolling back over.  
  
  
  
"Hey!" Buffy smacked his shoulder.  
  
  
  
"What?" He complained as he rolled over, rubbing his shoulder.  
  
  
  
"Aren't you going to give me my New Year's kiss?" She pouted.  
  
  
  
Spike smirked and sat up, wrapping on arm around Buffy's waist, pulling her towards him. "Now, would I pass up an opportunity to give my Mrs. something she wants?"  
  
  
  
Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and brought her lips towards his. "You better not." She whispered. Spike placed his lips on hers and kissed her tenderly. Buffy deepened the kiss and opened her mouth slightly inviting his tongue to dance with his. He moved his other arm around her waist and pulled her even closer so their bodies had no room in between.  
  
  
  
Buffy parted from the kiss, a bit breathless. She cupped his cheek in her palm and stroked his pale skin with her thumb.  
  
  
  
"I love you." She told him.  
  
  
  
"Mhm. I love you too." He said before kissing her briefly. He looked into her eyes and smiled. He slid one arm from her back and placed it gently on her abdomen. "Happy New Year, Buffy." He said. Then he moved from her gaze and kissed her abdomen just below her belly button.  
  
  
  
"Happy New Year, baby." He whispered, before replacing his hand with his head and drifting back to sleep.  
  
  
  
Buffy smiled at Spike just before he closed his eyes. Yep, things were perfect. This is what she wanted. She was a Slayer, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a lover, a wife, and an expecting mother.  
  
  
  
This was her life . . . and she loved it.  
  
// Just the words of a love song  
  
Just the beat of my heart  
  
Just the pledge of my life, my love, for you //  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Hope you all enjoyed! I know it might have been weird, but I kinda wanted something original. Thanks to everyone for everything! Please, as always, review!  
  
Happy New Year! I love you guys! 


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